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The week on Twitter

'Wisden down underpants time'

Cricket-bible desecration and other jolly hijinks in this week's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden

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Ravi Bopara will return to cricket with England Lions, Old Trafford, August 6, 2012
Give him sub-standard marmalade at your own peril © Getty Images

The Women's Institute
Ravi Bopara reveals that England's latest attempts to foster team unity revolve around swapping preserves with one another.

"Just had a bit of tredwells home made jam for breakfast. Its the good stuff."

Rumours that Kevin Pietersen has been excommunicated as a result of his hugely disappointing green tomato chutney are yet to be confirmed. Incidentally, the one-day international side's monthly cake sale will be taking place on the 14th of the month at the village hall. As ever, a prize will be awarded for the best Victoria sponge.

The protection
Test Match Special's Jonathan Agnew got home five hours late following a "boozy lunch". He felt he had incurred the wrath of his wife and therefore planned ahead.

"Wisden down underpants time..."

Is this a regular thing?

The tough times
Tasmania's James Faulkner knows what he wants.

"Very dissapointing when you order poached eggs and they come out rock hard.... #stiff #chinup"

The rude awakening
Scott Styris has been seeing the sights in Papua New Guinea.

"Great to be back in PNG, hi light so far, an asleep Merv Hughes being slapped on the cheek by a passenger mid air asking if he was "Hughes""

If you're the kind of person who struggles to recognise Merv Huges, you may want to go for an eye test. Equally, if you're the kind of person who slaps someone you suspect of being Merv Hughes, you may want to book an appointment with a psychologist and also a bed in intensive care.

The doppelganger
Stuart Broad's been mistaken for himself.

"Walk into a cafe, 'Can i have a tea please?'... 'Yes, milk? U know, you look like an ugly Stuart Broad.'.... 'Cheers Love.' Leave café"

While Matthew Hoggard's been mistaken for a man who's 6ft 10in.

"Just been asked by a spectator to sign a picture of will Jefferson"

Or maybe the spectator in question is just a really big Will Jefferson fan and asks all cricketers to sign pictures of their one true hero.

The golden opportunity
The life of AB de Villiers is rich with possibilities.

"New day with lots of opportunities. 3 hour bus trip to Nottingham to take on first"

Sleeping or staring blankly out of the window. So many opportunities.

The mankading
Murali Kartik warned Somerset batsman Alex Barrow.

"Everyone get a life please..if a batsman is out on a stroll inspite of being warned,does that count as being in the spirit of the game"

The divided opinion
Shaun Pollock needs to source some yeast extract.

"Does anyone know if you can get Vegemite in South Africa?? My girls have acquired a liking for it. Marmite man myself"

You usually hear that phrase being used to refer to the likes of Kevin Pietersen - players who polarise opinion. You're more of a marmalade man, Shaun: fairly inoffensive, but you get the job done. Also, you're orange-coloured.

The intimidation factor
Wayne Parnell's heard the news about Andrew Flintoff's change of career.

"Just saw on @SkySportsNews that @flintoff11 is going to box . I wouldn't want to be stuck in a ring with him"

Surely if you were going to be stuck in the ring with any heavyweight, you'd pick the one who was actually a cricketer and not a boxer.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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Posted by anagh on (September 7, 2012, 12:33 GMT)

Rather Freddie than the Klitshko brothers

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