Root faces up to his latest challenge

England have been thrown into the Dubai microwave, temperatures set to high, and a couple of half-baked practice matches later they are claiming they are ready. On a day when the fast food culture again brought agonising about the worsening global obesity epidemic, nobody should be surprised that cricket tours have become the latest convenience food. England will be relieved to see a few high-calorific scoreboards against a Pakistan side yet to lose a Test series in their adopted home.

Joe Root, England's vice captain, dutifully accepted the invitation to say that England are well enough prepared. Since the Ashes, he has had a holiday, joined his ghostwriter to knock out a book on the Ashes, caught a plane and dashed off a fifty against Pakistan A. Serious match practice these days is largely for developmental tours. That phase completed, players are expected to adjust immediately.

Are England ready for the three-Test series? It was a pressing question considering that the last time England played Pakistan in these parts their batting was so unworldly. "I think so," Root said. "I got some good time out in the middle in these conditions. The nets are quite challenging surfaces as well, you're still playing in the heat and getting used to that environment of hard work and fatigue. We've definitely learned a lot."

Surely, though, there are limits to how much international tour matches should be allowed to demean the game. Two expedient warm-up matches against Pakistan A, with batsmen coming and going much as they pleased, have been nothing more than glorified practice sessions, not fit for spectator consumption, undeserving of scorecards or analysis. They should not be presented as more than they are. Duncan Fletcher, who began all this a decade or so ago, has a lot to answer for.

It must have been a trial for all concerned - a trial much like the one observed by Fielding Mellish in Woody Allen's Bananas "I object, your honour! This trial is a travesty. It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham."

Root has proved himself not just an excellent cricketer, but an adaptable one, although his personal challenge is summed up by the fact that this will be his first Test in Asia since he made his Test debut three years ago in India, in Nagpur, when he was assured in making 73 while his team-mates struggled. He has never played in the UAE and he has never faced the Pakistan legspinner, Yasir Shah, whose even mention will stir memories of their last failure against Pakistan spin bowlers.

"Only on that India tour have I played Test cricket in these sort of conditions so it'll be completely different to anything I've come across previously. But it's more making sure you've got your mind right and you have clear scoring options, solid defence and technique and you cover all the bases to give yourself the best chance."

As a batsman who rose to No 1 in the world Test rankings in the Ashes summer, displacing Steve Smith, then his rival vice captain, he again carries high expectations. Nobody plays spin better in this England party. Ian Bell once did. James Taylor is also skilful, although he is not sure of his place, requiring England to drop Jonny Bairstow or even, not that some would countenance it, by leaving out Jos Buttler.

"It'd be nice if I could go on from the Ashes," Root said. "I want to make some big contributions this series and I'm going to have to play extremely well to do that. As a team, to beat Pakistan here, it's going to be a big effort, but we've proven over the last six months that we're capable of doing things that maybe look a bit too much for us."

More spin, more left-arm seam, more heat, slower scoring rates: Root is ready for a change of mood. England's oft-expressed desire to play enterprising cricket might have to be shelved for a while. "We're not expecting to score at the rate we'd like to or have become accustomed to over the last six months," he said, a point hammered home by Mahela Jayawardene, who is temporarily on hand to advise how to manipulate spin in such conditions. Root can be expected to cope better than some.

"No-one's won here against Pakistan, that's be really pleasing for me to be part of a team who have come into these conditions and done what no other side has done before. And what would make it even more pleasing would be if I was one of the guys that made big runs. That's going to be the same wherever I go."