The Surfer

Every signal the Australians are sending out speaks of the confusion in their camp and the breakdown in their planning for this series. It all makes you wonder exactly where Australian cricket is at the moment. You have to go back more than 30 years, to the era when Kerry Packer had tempted away the best players to World Series Cricket, to find the last time the team were in such a muddled state. And at least back then it was obvious that they still had some talented players in reserve. At the moment you would struggle to know if that was true of this team, simply because none of the young players has been capped yet.

Bowling in Australia with a Kookaburra is not so different to propelling a Duke in England. The same principles must be followed while there remains the same necessity for the bowlers and their captain to be streetwise and flexible. If the ball is swinging a slightly fuller length is required; if not an adjustment must be made rapidly before the ball has been driven frequently to the pickets. That applies in Birmingham as well as Brisbane.

Former players are fond of mouthing the cliché about giving something back to the game. Usually that is a euphemism for discovering how much more the game can do for them. By ignoring the path of least resistance and choosing to take one that is fraught with pitfalls, Kumble might just inspire a whole generation of players. Those who want cricket associations to focus on the game rather than on politics.

Nobody would claim that Ponting is as astute as Brearley or as aggressive as Taylor. Since he stuck England in and lost at Edgbaston in 2005 he has chosen to bat first on every single one of the 29 occasions he has won the toss. But he has still been an outstanding captain, a man who inspired his team through deeds rather than words, and led by example rather than exhortation. But unless he can recapture his best form, that is not going to be enough to get him through this series. As a captain Ponting has succeeded through winning matches with his bat. If he can't do that he is going to have to prove he can win them with his nous and his man-management. Not many people think those are skills that he has. Perverse as it seems after all his accomplishments, his reputation rests on proving them wrong.

Evidently, the panel was not prepared to commit itself to anything before it was ready. Certainly it was not willing to be rushed by a bunch of marketers. Selectors get panned enough as it is. Accordingly, they kept options open. Admittedly, they overdid it by including three spinners but the strategy is sound and all and sundry have been offered an insight into their thinking. After all, it is Australia's team, not Cricket Australia's. In truth, the squad - though tis more like a battalion - named yesterday does not matter a hoot. Only 11 can take the field at the Gabba and the rest is sound and fury.

The announcement that Australia have named a 17-strong squad for the first Ashes Test against England has certainly got people talking down under. They aim to take only 12 or 13 to Brisbane, where the first Test starts on 25 November, but this underlines the uncertainty that exists over the form and fitness of several players. It seems as though they have no real idea what their starting XI will be, and that must be a concern for them.

Anglo-Australian relations do have the most glorious safety valve: a mechanism unique in diplomacy. On November 25, the valve will return to action. After almost 130 years of mutually satisfying strife, the battle for the Ashes will be joined once again: five Test matches lasting up to five days each, to be played in Australia’s five main capital cities, concluding in the first week of the new year.

Sport and international relations are becoming increasingly muddled: consider the politicisation of the bidding process for the Olympics and for World Cups. The role of the Ashes is far more positive. It is a unique bond between two countries at the uttermost ends of the earth. It is stronger than trade (Australia is well down the UK’s list of partners), stronger than the increasingly irrelevant monarchy, stronger even than the ties of family that, even these days, get frayed or snapped by the tyranny of distance. There is nothing else like it in sport or any other field of endeavour.

Much could depend on the form and mental sharpness of former skipper Chanderpaul. The little left-handed Guyanese has had a relatively quiet year by his standards, and is no doubt relishing the thought of a forceful comeback, despite having been deposed as the world's No 1 batsman some two years now.

If there is one thing about Shiv, it's that he has a fiercely competitive spirit, loves batting for long periods — he is one of only three men in the history of the game to have batted for over 1,000 minutes without being dismissed in Tests — and is arguably second only to Ramnaresh Sarwan in the regional pecking order in playing spin bowling.

For anyone to claim “I’m going to turn America into a cricket playing country” is tantamount to claiming, “I’m going to turn America into a Spanish speaking country; I’m going to turn America into a Muslim country.” A pretty tough row to hoe! Expectations must be brutally realistic; efforts must be highly imaginative; planning must be exceptionally creative.

Know that America is not a “cricket culture,” it’s a culture that does not know, does not care about, and, in many ways, is hostile towards cricket. No matter how much experience, no matter how much “expertise” anyone may have accumulated in a cricket culture, he will soon discover they’re virtually worthless here, and can never be a substitute for hands-on, face-to-face, experience working with Americans at cricket.

Is he happy to accept a lower profile himself? "So what, I'm just part of the team now, is that what you mean? Yeah, I don't mind, whatever, as long as I'm playing for England I'm not really too fussed. Just playing with a team that can compete is going to be great." If he sounds low-key, that is the new KP. In the past, touring Australia would seem "quite a daunting thing" but now "it's just a game of cricket". He exhales, and starts to sound alarmingly laid-back. "People make things out to be things that they're not. That's one thing that's helped me in my career – not making things bigger than what they are."

“Was it the worst ball I ever bowled in Test cricket?” he said last week. “I think it was probably the worst ball anyone has ever bowled in Test cricket! I won't sugar-coat it, or say it looked worse than it was or offer excuses. It was atrocious. All I wanted to happen was for a big hole to open up in the ground and for me to jump in it and disappear.”

Hauritz could strike his bunny Andrew Strauss on the pads so much the video umpire will need to hire a receptionist to handle the referrals. To date, the Australian slow man has had the better of the English skipper, dismissing him eight times in 13 internationals. Kevin Pietersen is the fly in the ointment ... if he successfully bombs Hauritz down the ground, the spinner will be under extreme pressure. However, KP is a sweeper; he won't be able to resist the shot. Call me Simon Cowell if you like, but Swann may well be a one-trick pony possessing little appreciative out-curve to the right hander and no deceptive doosra.

His arm-speed always looks the same, but there could be 15mph difference between his deliveries. I guess it must be the way the ball comes out of his hand, but it is difficult to tell, even from slip. I try and keep my arm-speed the same when I bowl a slower ball, but some people might see it from the hand. The ball that gets Swann most of his wickets is the under-cutter, as he calls it. As a left-hander batting against him in the nets, I play a few off-breaks all right and then he gets me lbw with the one that skids on, or so he tells me. Swann is the world's best umpire as well as the best spinner.