The Surfer

Not so long ago, the Poms might have batted out their match against South Australia. Now they threw the contest open with a declaration. Not so long ago, England were desperate to avoid embarrassment. Now they seek victory and then prepare to send their top bowlers to Brisbane a week early to acclimatise. Unmistakably, the momentum is with the visitors.

The Chinese spectators were so unaware about the rules of the game that they waited for the announcements — made both in Chinese and English languages — before they cheered their team. They rarely broke that trend, even waiting for the announcement before putting their hands together during the seven boundaries scored in the home team’s innings and six wickets fell. The announcements of “One run to China” and “boundary for team China” were loud and clear. Somehow the cheers went off inexplicably after the 10th over when China was 54-3. “Probably the crowd has gone confused like me,” said one of the ever smiling volunteers, who did not want to be named.

The conservative four-man selection panel of Hilditch, David Boon, Jamie Cox and the recently removed Merv Hughes have left Australian cricket in a worrying position. They have failed to adequately continue a renewal process forced on them by a cluster of former champions fading away in recent years.

Sri Lankan skipper Arjuna Ranatunga was not the most popular figure on the international circuit, and was perhaps most unpopular with the Australians (perhaps because he did rather well against them). One occasion, the great spinner Shane Warne was trying to lure the comfortable figure of Ranatunga down the pitch and was being frustrated by Ranatunga's unwillingness to be tempted. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up: "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

The real issue here isn’t the farcical PCB. It’s the International Cricket Council. Presented with the most rare, fleeting and precious of opportunities – a potential whistle-blower – the ICC should have sent officers straight to London to meet with Haider. Its entire resources should have been directed toward protecting and reassuring him.

This sudden surfacing of Sridhar has come as a surprise. “He did not have time for the Association while he was joint secretary, vice-president and secretary. Suddenly, how can he be the coach,” questions former HCA secretary Man Singh. Sridhar holds the record for the highest individual score — 366 — for Hyderabad in Ranji Trophy but has no experience as a coach. “If you are looking for qualified coaches, Doc does not fit in,” Man Singh says. “He’d start as an absolute newcomer and novice.” Thus far, the HCA has made no move to look beyond reshuffling the old and tired pack of cards. How about a coach from outside Hyderabad? Or maybe even outside India?

Good judges, of whom Warne can be considered one, have all been queueing up to note how effective Swann is. Warne indeed likened him to David Hasselhoff, once the beefcake star of the TV series Baywatch, in which he showed his pecs and Pamela Anderson flaunted other parts of her body. The comparison appears to have bemused even Swann.

"You certainly haven't seen me with my top off," he said with that lovely sardonic air he has. "Maybe it's that when I put my orange bathers on and walk along the beach I am surrounded by a plethora of hot women, but those days are behind me now because I am happily married."

If you think this is an exaggeration, hyperbole, then think again. Not all attempts at match- or spot-fixing, perhaps few, involve massive personal gain for the perpetrators or greed on their part. The rewards are for others, the players pawns in the game. They are in a vortex from which they cannot escape. But perhaps Zulqarnain has evaded it and, if so, he is already a brave lad who has defied some extremely nasty people.

Yet there are some strange things going on. There was a flurry of activity over the succession of the Australian captaincy, deftly laughed off by Marcus North, who was suddenly suggested as the new heir apparent. The selector Merv Hughes has got the bullet and a "professional", Greg Chappell no less, has been appointed. They seem to be following the English template. They do not usually do that.

Of more concern is the form of their senior cricketers. Against Sri Lanka on Friday Ponting was out pulling – again. Michael Clarke looks tortured and distracted. Witness his failure to complete a straightforward run-out at Sydney by trotting up to remove the bails with ball in hand. Instead he hurled it at the stumps from a couple of yards and succeeded only in hitting Shane Watson's knee. And Mike Hussey is starting to look his age and fallible.