The Heavy Ball

'Straussy bought a dog last year'

Revelations about the former England captain and about embarrassing bodies in this week's Twitter round-up

In these times of recession, Graham Onions has found a way to make money  Getty Images

The retirement
Michael Vaughan has been in Andrew Strauss's position.

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"Can't believe Straussy didn't Cry."
@VaughanCricket

Always display a stiff upper lip, old chap.

The signal of intent
Paul Collingwood expected it to happen.

"Straussy bought a dog last year. You don't buy a dog to leave it at home whilst you're touring India! Golf and dog walking for him now!"
@Colly622

The rightful place
Chris Tremlett thinks Strauss left England where they belong.

"Well done Straussy on a great career. Always put the team first and has taken the England team to where it should be."
@ChrisTremlett33

Second place in the Test rankings?

The memory
Stuart Broad recalls his favourite Strauss moment.

"Best Straussy knock for me was his 100 on the 1st day of the Ashes Test at Lords, allowed us bowlers to have a massive lunch!"
@StuartBroad8

What was on offer? Was it a buffet?

The vocabulary
David Warner's learning about the animal kingdom.

"Did you know African grey parrots have vocabularies of over 200 words!!" @davidwarner31

Judging by Twitter, that's at least 100 more than most cricketers.

The entertainers
Graeme Swann and Jimmy Anderson are music lovers.

"Reading festival tonight with @JimmyAnderson9 details are sketchy as to how long our slot is."
@Swannyg66

"...not sure how long two men can play the tambourine whilst humming slide away to keep the crowds happy"

The troubled relationship
Pat Cummins has been goading Mitchell Marsh.

"@mitchmarsh235 I came up here to Brisbane, minding my own business, and not even a hour later you turn up. #getoutofmylife #freak #stalker"
@93Cummins

And threatening him.

"Trial game against WACA tomorrow. Bring your lid @mitchmarsh235. #Icouldntdothattoyou #orcouldI #inyourhead"

The chef
Alastair's not the only cook in the England team. Stuart Broad's had a go.

"Started a 4 hour lamb shank cooking mission. Not cooked in my own kitchen since May so if u don't hear from me give the fire brigade a bell"

"Lamb Shank on crushed potatoes in a red wine, balsamic vinegar, garlic and red onion sauce. #boom https://yfrog.com/obybaoahj"

Matt Prior was unimpressed.

"@StuartBroad8 too much time on ur hands stuart! #cheeseeontoast"

Apparently, he bakes it in the oven. He calls it "oven-baked cheese on toast".

The horrific sight
Mark Butcher's been trying to watch TV.

"How does a show like Embarrassing Bodies get commissioned? Somebody said "look yea, there just isn't enough manky flange on prime time TV..""
@markbutcher72

The source of income
Graham Onions is in the money.

"Me finding a quid in the locker room is surely the feeling of winning the lottery #straighttocharity #goodguy"
@BunnyOnions

What's your philosophy?
Lonwabo Tsotsobe's turn.

"Its never too late to be what you might have been. All our dreams can come true,if we have the courage to pursue them. Molweni emakhaya."
@LonwaboTsotsobe

What about the dreams we don't want to pursue? Can they come true as well? Is it like that bit in Ghostbusters where they're trying to clear their minds, but Ray thinks of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man only for it to become the physical manifestation of Gozer? Nobody think of evil, smiling clowns brandishing knives!

Nando's Watch
With the first one-day international rained off, there was only one place Steven Finn and his team-mates were heading.

"Boys enjoying a @Nandos_Official in Cardiff. Still raining. #boreoffrain"
@finnysteve

Graham OnionsMark ButcherPat CumminsDavid WarnerSteven FinnLonwabo TsotsobeMichael VaughanChris TremlettMatt PriorPaul CollingwoodStuart BroadGraeme Swann

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket