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Page 2

'Don't be a victim of things I do to survive!'

In the latest Twitter round-up, cricketers do amazing and not-so-amazing things with their heads

Alex Bowden
Sometimes I ask myself whether it's really worth poking fun at cricketers' use of punctuation in this column. I mean, what does anyone get out of it? It's Twitter. It's a carefree, disposable form of communication. What does it matter if someone makes a grammatical error? It's not like anyone's going to learn from that being flagged up in an irreverent social media round-up, is it?
Then I see an Australian cricketer needlessly include an apostrophe.
The apostrophe
Brett Lee's trying to communicate with us.
By the Aussie's what? And which Aussie?
The reviews
Kevin Pietersen is happy to share his expert opinion on almost any subject.
Everything from social media
… to international current affairs
The third person
It's always a worrying sign when a sportsman starts referring to himself in the third person. Praveen Kumar's travelling along a dangerous road.
If you want to know where that road leads, look no further than Dwayne Bravo.
Referring to yourself in the third person using a ludicrous nickname is your destination, Praveen.
The light
Worcestershire's Aneesh Kapil has finally used his head and seen the light.
The cut
Where does Chamara Kapugedera get his hair cut?
The ambiguity
Speaking of personal grooming, what's Ramnaresh Sarwan referring to here?
Hopefully he's doing some DIY.
The painkiller
Shane Warne knows how you deal with pain.
Come now, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone willing to carry out such treatment for you.
Life with Kemar Roach
Kemar has some friendly advice for us this week.
It should be pretty easy to evade harm caused by his breathing or eating. Not sure what else he means. Sleeping maybe?
Presumably not then.
What's your philosophy?
Shaun Pollock seems livelier than normal.
That's not really an exclamation now, is it Shaun?
Nando's Watch
Steven Finn's been venturing into uncharted territory.
In case you're wondering, Mousse is a dog who has since been found. No word on the quality of the takeaway compared to eating in, however.
Jet-lag Watch
I get the feeling that not a week goes by without some cricketer or other whinging about jet lag, like travelling the world is some enormous hardship. Let's test that theory.
Exhibit one: Steven Smith
"I hate jet lag!"
Brace yourself for another exciting instalment in the next edition of The Fortnight on Twitter.

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket