Dr Doosra's Demented Devices

The Ad-alyzer

If you love the IPL, you must really love one other thing - advertising. Here's a device that will help you enhance your experience of the hundreds of strange, confusing and downright bizarre commercials that are such an integral part of the league

© Anand Ramachandran
1. Commercials Playlist
Like some ads and hate others? No problem. This nifty feature lets you choose the ones you want to see - and avoid the ones you think are stupid, boring or offensive. Obliterate the zoozoos from your life, and play the famous cement ad with that random babe in a swimsuit on infinite loop, if that's what you really want.
2. Ad Inserter
Disagree with the TV channel's scheduling of ad breaks? The Ad-alyzer lets you decide when to break for commercials during the match. Instead of squeezing ads in between overs or during the strategy break, you can now view them at truly relevant times, such as when a slower delivery takes an extra second to reach the batsman, or when S Badrinath is at the crease.
3. Genelia D'Souza Warning
Predicts when one of those moronic ads featuring Genelia D'Souza acting all funny will appear, and gives you an advance warning, so that you can take appropriate evasive action.
4. Product Endorsement Opportunity Spotter
When the Ad-alyzer detects an unexploited potential product endorsement on screen, it will immediately display an auto-generated advertisement by inserting the appropriate product on screen - such as an ad for Trinidad and Tobago Tourism when it spots Dwayne Bravo, for Brasso when it spots Sameer Kochchar, or for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button when it spots Nita Ambani.
5. "Truth in Advertising" button
Think companies aren't sincere about their ads? Never fear. At the touch of a button, the Ad-alyzer produces an instant legal document tailormade for the ad being shown, which legally binds the advertisers to keep their promises. Now you can actually force random bank employees to spend time listening to dull anecdotes from your grandmother until the late into the night. Hours of fun.

Anand Ramachandran is a writer and humourist based in Mumbai. He blogs at bosey.co.in