1. Inflate / Deflate valve
The Un-Blimp is conveniently self-inflating, just like Ravi Shastri, so that you don't have to blow large amounts of hot air into it yourself. In fact, the very act of inflating or deflating the Un-Blimp will trigger related IPL memories, such as franchise valuations and Lalit Modi's credibility levels respectively.
These prominently placed stickers will ensure that your ignorant friends do not disparagingly refer to your prized possession as a "balloon" or "gasbag". The variants available include "Blimp", "Dirigible", "Zeppelin" and "Look, there's a UFO". The premium version of the Un-Blimp also comes with a free six-month contract with Danny Morrison, who will stay in your house and loudly call out your chosen name label once every 20 seconds.
A strong tether that you can use to anchor your Un-Blimp so that it doesn't float away into the clouds, just like MRF's hopes of building brand value at the IPL games. We would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the tether is a remarkable product of cutting-edge technology so popular and useful it has been in use to tie things to other things for thousands of years.
A DVD recording of your Un-Blimp floating harmlessly above your house, useful for situations where you need to fool people into believing that it's present when it actually isn't.
Convenient space available for any company that might be foolish enough to pay you large amounts of money to display their logo on a large and fairly useless object floating above your house. Who'd be stupid enough to pay for something like that, you ask? Something tells us that you'll have no problems finding someone.
The Un-Blimp also can be used as a piñata, by people who are itching to smash the damn thing to bits. One whack with a blunt instrument and the Un-Blimp will shatter, spilling its contents - which include chocolates, toy cricket balls and bats, and some official replica income-tax documents of IPL teams.
Anand Ramachandran is a writer and humourist based in Mumbai. He blogs at bosey.co.in