Michael Parkinson: MCC chaps in a flutter over chintz effect (11 May 1998)
THAT the MCC are to ask members who voted against women to say what they are afraid of is a clear sign all is not well at Lord's
11-May-1998
May 11 1998
Chaps in a flutter over chintz effect
By Michael Parkinson
THAT the MCC are to ask members who voted against women to say
what they are afraid of is a clear sign all is not well at
Lord's. There is confusion where once there was certainty. In my
day MCC members did not need to be asked such a question. The
answer then, as now, is clear: women are not chaps. That is all
there is to it.
For one thing, they dress differently. They don't wear ties so
how could the stewards allow them in the pavilion? Do we really
want high heels to tread where Ranji once walked? Then there is
the matter of toilet arrangements. If Thomas Lord had wanted
women in his ground he would have made the plumbing different.
Similarly, if the Good Lord had wanted women to share everything
with men he would have designed them so they could use a stall.
Women members will demand pot pourri and knick-knacks in their
lavatories. Before long Lord's will smell like Mata Hari's
boudoir. What is more we can only imagine what the pavilion will
look like with frilly curtains at the windows and a chintzy feel
to the Long Room. Enough is enough. I am sure I speak for the
majority when I say it will be a sad day for democracy if we
allow a bunch of trendy politicians and windy administrators to
bully us into changing our minds. Two further points bearing on
the debate. Firstly, it has taken 211 years for MCC members to
become as they are. How can women be expected to catch up?
Second, I asked my lady wife, the fragrant Mary, my companion for
the past 38 years, if she would want to become a member of MCC.
"What and sit next to you? Not likely," she replied. There you
have it.
The fact is if you asked the average MCC member if he would
rather make love to Kim Basinger or watch Gus Fraser bowl there
is no doubt the game would win unless it could be arranged to do
both at the same time.
On the other hand, if you asked the average woman if she would
rather have an affair with Brad Pitt or watch Graham Thorpe bat
there is no doubt cricket would come off second best. That's the
difference and it makes MCC's questionnaire unnecessary.
The only sporting survey required nowadays is one which deals
with the effect of Viagra on the middle-aged sports lover,
particularly golfers. Why doesn't the Royal and Ancient circulate
golfers, asking the question on everyone's lips: if you were
given a choice between a pill to cure impotence and one to get
rid of the yips, which would you choose?
Source :: Electronic Telegraph (https://www.telegraph.co.uk)