The Gayle translator and other nifty apps for 2012
Some useful, some entertaining, and some life-saving tools to make every cricket fan's year go better
R Rajkumar
13-Jan-2012
Scientists expect in another 50 years technology will advance enough to allow Photoshop to tweak the baring of Fletcher's teeth into a full grimace • Getty Images
Mobile-phone applications have caught on to such a degree in recent years that even your average BCCI luddite probably uses a "flashlight" app to illuminate his cave every once in a while. Even so, cricket fans might be forgiven for feeling a little let down by the dearth of good, useful cricket-themed apps out there (other than the ESPNcricinfo one, of course. Ahem.) Happily, 2012 promises to change all that, with a sudden glut of apps soon to be available for use on your favourite still-not-as-unpretentious-as-you'd-like smartphone.
The Mayan Calendar Countdown to Extinction
This quirky app counts down the number of days remaining until December 21, 2012 - believed to be the date the Mayans predicted would see the end of Test cricket as we know it.
This quirky app counts down the number of days remaining until December 21, 2012 - believed to be the date the Mayans predicted would see the end of Test cricket as we know it.
The Pakistan Coach Finder
This handy app points you towards the nearest available potential Pakistan coach, no matter where you might be. Recommended both by and for the Pakistan Cricket Board.
This handy app points you towards the nearest available potential Pakistan coach, no matter where you might be. Recommended both by and for the Pakistan Cricket Board.
Sample User Review: "Amazing App!! I was on a flight from Bangkok to Phnom Penh, when I found myself, as a Pakistan cricket fan, in desperate need to know where the nearest available Pakistan national team coach might be. I whipped out the app and it pointed me towards an unassuming Cambodian businessman seated at 11C, who it said met the qualifications. Assured, I was able to enjoy the rest of my flight. Highly recommended."
The Brett Lee Song Warning
The latest in music-recognition technology, this lifesaver of an app assures you that the song being played nearby isn't being sung by Brett Lee. If on the off chance it is, don't worry: the phone will emit a piercing scream to drown out the track until it is finished.
The latest in music-recognition technology, this lifesaver of an app assures you that the song being played nearby isn't being sung by Brett Lee. If on the off chance it is, don't worry: the phone will emit a piercing scream to drown out the track until it is finished.
The Sachin Are-We-There-Yet Alarm
This increasingly popular app is programmed to set off an alert as soon as Tendulkar reaches his 100th hundred. For practicality and convenience, this Google-powered marvel is programmed to last longer than the average human lifespan.
This increasingly popular app is programmed to set off an alert as soon as Tendulkar reaches his 100th hundred. For practicality and convenience, this Google-powered marvel is programmed to last longer than the average human lifespan.
Sample User Review: "Rubbish. I don't think this app works. Installed it months ago and it's yet to make a sound."
The Chris Gayle Translator
Does what it says in the title. This very useful application is as much a boon for @henrygayle's Twitter followers as it is for players, fans, Ravi Shastri, umpires, Ernest Hilaire, and family members of Chris Gayle who don't know what he's on about half the time. Sweet Azz!!
Does what it says in the title. This very useful application is as much a boon for @henrygayle's Twitter followers as it is for players, fans, Ravi Shastri, umpires, Ernest Hilaire, and family members of Chris Gayle who don't know what he's on about half the time. Sweet Azz!!
The (Only) 3 Lions
A deceptively simple app that, when held up to the television screen when England are playing, automatically highlights South African players in the team.
A deceptively simple app that, when held up to the television screen when England are playing, automatically highlights South African players in the team.
Sample User Review: "I think something's wrong with this app. Almost all the players are highlighted?"
The Virat Kohli Goodwill Greeting
Send a traditional Indian greeting to a friend Down Under with this fantastic app that is fun for the whole family. The VK app allows you to superimpose a gesturing Virat Kohli onto your own photos and messages. What's not to love?
Send a traditional Indian greeting to a friend Down Under with this fantastic app that is fun for the whole family. The VK app allows you to superimpose a gesturing Virat Kohli onto your own photos and messages. What's not to love?
The Afridi Age Calculator
Are you one of millions of people the world over who suffers from sudden crippling bouts of needing to get to the bottom of one of cricket's most enduring mysteries? Just how old is Shahid Afridi? Wonder no more with this nifty little app that provides the answer with pinpoint accuracy, right down to the minutes and seconds. Conveniently, the answer given is always 17 years, 18 days, 11 hours, 22 minutes and 18 seconds. Hours of fun for everyone!
Are you one of millions of people the world over who suffers from sudden crippling bouts of needing to get to the bottom of one of cricket's most enduring mysteries? Just how old is Shahid Afridi? Wonder no more with this nifty little app that provides the answer with pinpoint accuracy, right down to the minutes and seconds. Conveniently, the answer given is always 17 years, 18 days, 11 hours, 22 minutes and 18 seconds. Hours of fun for everyone!
The Harsha Hair Monitor
Bored? Monitor the gradual, inevitable regression of your favourite sports personalities' hair transplants with this wonderful new app. From Harsha Bhogle to Shane Warne to someone called Rana Naved-ul-Hasan, this app keeps track of every compromised follicle, providing you with instant updates and real-time images, courtesy of Google Earth.
Bored? Monitor the gradual, inevitable regression of your favourite sports personalities' hair transplants with this wonderful new app. From Harsha Bhogle to Shane Warne to someone called Rana Naved-ul-Hasan, this app keeps track of every compromised follicle, providing you with instant updates and real-time images, courtesy of Google Earth.
Devil-in-the-Fletch
Creep out your friends by showing them the impossible: the visage of Duncan Fletcher made, through the miracle of technology, to stretch itself into all manner of unnatural positions until it approximates (hey, even tech has its limits) a smile.
Creep out your friends by showing them the impossible: the visage of Duncan Fletcher made, through the miracle of technology, to stretch itself into all manner of unnatural positions until it approximates (hey, even tech has its limits) a smile.
Sample User Review: "Not for the faint of heart! LOL"
The Billy Bowden Augmented Reality App
Billy Bowden and augmented reality? Might seem redundant to some. But this new app will have you impressing your friends in no time. Watch as your Virtual Billy signals a four as only he can. Bored, stuck in a traffic jam? Run the app, and Virtual Billy springs to life, directing the traffic, on your screen! Finally, enjoy as Virtual Billy interacts with other Virtual Billies from other phones in the vicinity that are also using the app. The question is, how much fun can you handle?
Billy Bowden and augmented reality? Might seem redundant to some. But this new app will have you impressing your friends in no time. Watch as your Virtual Billy signals a four as only he can. Bored, stuck in a traffic jam? Run the app, and Virtual Billy springs to life, directing the traffic, on your screen! Finally, enjoy as Virtual Billy interacts with other Virtual Billies from other phones in the vicinity that are also using the app. The question is, how much fun can you handle?
Sample User Review: "What the f!@# is this?"
R Rajkumar hopes that writing about cricket helps justify his watching it as much as he does to the people in his life who wonder where the remote control's disappeared to.
All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?