Fan reluctantly deletes video of his child to clear data space for IPL cheerleaders
A fan at an IPL match last night found himself confronted with the age-old dilemma of whether or not to delete a video of his child on his phone to free up some space to continue recording the cheerleaders.
The middle-aged man, who, eyewitnesses say, had spent the majority of the match parked inches behind the bars that separated the cheerleaders from the fans with his phone held up in the air, let out an audible groan when he saw a message pop up on the screen informing him that he was running out of data space.
Desperately flipping through his stored videos, he was horror-struck to find that almost all of them were of his child, two-year-old Ganesh, being all cute or something at home, and was aggrieved to realise that he hadn't backed up any of the files.
The man, who if asked would have to say he was an RCB or KKR or Deccan Chargers fan or whatever, grew increasingly desperate as he attempted to email himself the videos of his son. "This is taking too long!" he wailed, before suddenly growing quiet. His finger remained poised over the button on the screen, which, if pressed, would delete the longest video on the phone: that of his son taking his first few steps.
"Yeah, **** it," he muttered at last before pressing delete and returning to his default position of holding his phone up to the cheerleaders.
"Totally worth it," he added later.
TV personalities come together to form successful hand-heart
In emotional scenes that left not a few people reaching for their handkerchiefs to dry their eyes in the studio, two IPL TV personalities from rival countries came together to successfully form a collaborative hand-heart.
The successful pairing, achieved as part of a promotional campaign by the tournament broadcasters, was, as far as anyone can tell, the first time that two IPL TV personalities from rival countries had done such a thing.
"My hand formed one half of the heart," said an excitable Navjot Singh Sidhu. "Boss, didn't you think we made a great hand-heart together?" he added, turning to his partner seated quietly next to him. "Oh, please say yes, please say yes, please say yes."
"Um… sure, why not," said Shoaib Akhtar, who, it can now be revealed, was indeed the man behind the hand which formed the other half of the hand-heart. "I guess we make a decent hand-heart together."
The duo revealed that there are plans to create a TV series featuring the two ex-cricketers as they travel the world making hand-hearts in front of famous landmarks and encouraging others to do the same.
But that, apparently, is only the tip of the iceberg.
"Our dream is to one day make the heads of India and Pakistan make a hand-heart sign together," revealed Sidhu. "World peace, boss! Just think of it: if two grown men can come together to make a heart with their hands, what else might they manage to do together?"
At press time, the offices of the two premiers had yet to comment on the proposal.
Kohli to buy out entire stadium's worth of seats for Anushka
Virat Kohli has revealed that he plans to buy the tickets for all the seats for RCB's next match so his girlfriend can watch him in unfettered peace.
"Anushka and I are just sick and tired of all the talk from the media and fans about her presence at the games and how that apparently affects my form," said Kohli at a press conference. "This way, I can prove once and for all that the two are not connected in any way. If I make a big score with just her watching me at the stadium, no one can deny that she's good for me."
And how does Anushka feel about the prospect of having a whole stadium to herself to watch her boyfriend perform?
"Can I at least bring my mother or something?" she asked in a small voice. "I imagine it will be pretty lonely otherw--"
"No," interrupted Kohli. "I need to know it's just your eyes on me, no one else. Just you. Watching me. Watching me watching you. Watching me watching you watching me. I better make a big score," he added somewhat nervously. "No pressure or anything, dear."
"But what if you don't?" continued a worried looking Anushka. "I mean this whole thing just feels a little--"
"I won't fail, darling. I mean I'd better not. Because - don't you get it? - you'll be watching me. Just you. Your eyeballs, in their sockets, staring at me. How can I possibly fail?"
"Oh my god," she said in an even smaller voice.
"Come again?"
"Nothing, nothing. I'm just..."
"So proud of me?"
"Um… yes? How did you know I was going to say that?"
"Because, babe. What the fans and media don't understand is the kind of relationship we have. Which is the kind where one literally finishes the other's sentences, especially yours. If they knew that they'd realise you can only have a positive impact on my cricket. God, I love you. You love me too, you know," he hastened to add. "You love me too."

R Rajkumar tweets @roundarmraj

All quotes and "facts" in this piece are made up, but you knew that, didn't you?