'She makes me pose for pics when no one is watching'

If you're going to be a pedant, be an entertaining pedant.

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What's the alternative? Sharing wisdom with your followers? Seems like Shaun Pollock's back to doing what he does best. Brace yourselves for some cod philosophy.

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Perhaps a lack of simplicity is why Graham Onions has been looking so tired these last few weeks.

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Our mistake.

Maybe perk yourself up with a coffee. Is Kevin Pietersen still addicted?

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Guess so.

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Oh great, he's made it a hashtag. That's Twitter code for "this inconsequential little habit has now become a key part of my identity".

Surely there's more to the man than that?

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See. He's into intermittently checking the calendar as well. That's an interest, right?

Maybe he should take some tips from Umar Akmal. There's a man who knows how to enjoy himself.

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Visibly living the dream.

Umar Akmal's photographic output underlines how you can really learn a lot about a player from what they post to social media (and check out his profile pic for an even clearer sense of what we mean by that).

As another example, here's Ahmed Shehzad in a playground.

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And here's Shane Warne.

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And here's the kind of thing Younis Khan posts.

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What a poser.

But who are we to judge? We've never had to keep tens if not hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers hooked to our every update.

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Perhaps the need to experience things for himself was what drove Graeme Swann to seek out a branch of Nando's. For so long the favoured restaurant of cricketers the world over, is the dream starting to turn sour?

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Swann says he went for a burger instead, so perhaps he still hasn't had the edible part of this particular experience. Nando's surely had some sort of excuse for the misunderstanding, though.

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Oh, give it a rest, Shaun.

Finally, another recurring feature, and does Virat Kohli read this column or something? He's been delivering in-flight selfies for us as regular as clockwork.

Here's the latest, which also boasts just the faintest whiff of "cricketer complaining about air travel" as a bonus.

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