September 4, 2010

Pakistan

Boom Boom goes boring

Andrew Hughes
Shahid Afridi leads a show of unity ahead of Pakistan's tour match, Somerset v Pakistanis, Tour Match, Taunton, September 2, 2010
'Boys, everyone expects us to behave like a circus act. So instead we'll behave like the English! Who's with me?'  © Getty Images
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Tuesday, August 31st The art of Twittering is so often undervalued. One forty characters are all that the Twitterer has and within these artistic constraints, must make his or her magic. It is not, perhaps, as demanding a genre as the haiku or the tanka but it requires of its practitioners a certain brevity and incision. Sadly, not all Twitterers attain Parnassus.

“Yep.. Done for rest of summer!! Man of the World Cup T20 and dropped from the T20 side too.. Its a f**k up!! Surrey have signed me for l …”

This particular Twitterer leaves the reader perplexed. What might that teasing "l" represent? "Lots"? "Levity?" "Lettuce?" Sadly, the author has no room to tell us more, because he has indulged himself in an orgy of full stops, exclamation marks and superfluous ejaculations, whilst the omitted apostrophe in "it’s" looks as ugly as his dismissal by Shakib Al Hasan.

Wednesday, September 1st Today we had another entry for the Lord Nelson Award for Blindly and Willfully Refusing to Look Events in the Face. Mr Shahid Afridi is in town, an arrival that often provides a boost for jaded hacks as they clamour for a bit of excitement from Boom Boom. But there are no bored journalists at the moment and Afridi’s pre-series clichés sound like a man blowing a tin whistle whilst a hurricane rages behind him.

“What has happened has gone.”

Technically, from a chronological perspective, he is absolutely right; there is no disputing the gone-ness of events past. But what is continuing to happen as a consequence of what has already happened and, furthermore, what has not yet happened but might happen as a result of what has already happened is all that people are interested in, sadly.

“We’re here to play good cricket.”

Nobody cares, Shahid, nobody cares.

Thursday, September 2nd These are exciting times for 50-over cricket. If it were human, the 50-over format would be sitting in a consulting room, explaining for the umpteenth time that he felt perfectly well, that there was nothing wrong with him and that tens of thousands of people agreed with him. The consultant, however, is having none of it and he and his team of well-meaning professionals persist with their doom-laden diagnoses and ever more elaborate and invasive surgical procedures.

The meddlers seem to be getting themselves into a frenzy of late, with a spate of new ideas to mutilate the most lucrative form of international cricket and so only today did I catch up with the latest. It is called 5ives. You might think this an unnecessary cruelty visited upon the English language, but it turns out that the name is the best part. It is an idea as fiddly, as complicated and as pointless as the Powerplays. Ah, but why not give it a go? Well why not indeed, but then again, why? Fifty-over cricket is not, repeat, not in decline, unpopular or on its way out. Leave it alone, please.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

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Posted by Anonymous on (November 28, 2011, 17:16 GMT)

this is the most boring article ever i read

Posted by zohaib on (September 9, 2010, 6:14 GMT)

Paki Players Need some spark then we will tell we r the champions of all formats..

Posted by Deepak on (September 8, 2010, 13:12 GMT)

Afridi is an ordinary and most over rated slogger ever in cricket.Average of less than 20 in T20.Plays a good innings in 6 months.He is bowling well recently though.He wouldnt even had been selected in any other team but Pakistan. For last some years Pakistan have been the most predictable and consistant team in the world-- always loosing.

Posted by jaykay on (September 6, 2010, 6:41 GMT)

author is jus being funny,it is not his fault that pak team has become a laughing stock. In fact this chap doesn't spare anybody. pak fans can expect more of this, if pcb fails to do clean up act. pak will have to clear waste otherwise they can find themselves at the receiving end for some time.

Posted by Sir_Freddie on (September 5, 2010, 20:23 GMT)

Very funny article as usual from Andrew. Please ignore those Pakistani posters who can't appreciate humor. Keep up the good work.

Posted by Umair on (September 5, 2010, 6:43 GMT)

This is so immature writing... I think cricinfo is loosing its credibility bcz of these type of authors. such a waste of time reading these kind of childish articles.

Posted by hassan on (September 5, 2010, 6:04 GMT)

i just say i love pakistan

Posted by aneezay on (September 5, 2010, 5:44 GMT)

well, this article it self pretty bias.. being a pakistani i do care, if we win this series.. what has happened it happened..we have to raise again and prove ourself..So GO GREEN:)

Posted by Mohammad Ijaz on (September 5, 2010, 4:59 GMT)

Mr. Author !!! I think you are not right in your aproach. Shahid Afridi being the Captain for the rest of the series should focus on the upcoming series and thats what he trying to do and try to keep his players focused. PCB and other Officials are there to handle this issue and they are doing that. So i gess you should be careful and not baised in making such comments. Grow up man and you will see how strong Pakistani Team is by beating England today considerably.

We dont care for such nonsense in the form of so called "ARTICLES"

Posted by Jahangir Alam on (September 5, 2010, 4:50 GMT)

I am Jahangir Alam. I have a great optimism that Pakistan will win the ODI Series. Boom Boom Afridi , Razzak will be performed good.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Andrew Hughes
Andrew Hughes is a writer and avid cricket watcher who has always retained a healthy suspicion of professional sportsmen, and like any right-thinking person rates Neville Cardus more highly than Don Bradman. His latest book is available here and here @hughandrews73

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