IPL May 14, 2011

The cat burglary of Shane Warne

And the unveiling of the Abbottabad Premier League via Butt Power
25

Tuesday, May 10th The plot has thickened in Rajasthan. Someone or something, though more likely someone, told the chaps in electric blue that they had to play on pitch A and not pitch B. Just a few short hours later, they lost to Chennai. Coincidence? Probably. Chennai are better. But Warney reckons strange things are afoot. The BCCI say no team can choose which pitch to play on. Who’s telling the truth? Who knows? Who cares?

Let’s be honest, the great Jaipur pitch switch is a bit disappointing; the Delhi Daredevils of conspiracy theories. But it is a cunning way of explaining a Rajasthan thrashing. Warne is the cat burglar of excuses, pretending to be at a society party, whilst all the time Twittering his way over silent rooftops, slipping quietly through a window and leaving a card marked “The Blame” on the Jaipur groundsman’s pillow.

Wednesday, May 11th Mr Ijaz Butt has spoken. In an interview with the Complacent Administration Monthly he announced that he had succeeded in eradicating “Player Power” - an undesirable state of affairs in which players have too much influence in Pakistan cricket, and has instituted “Butt Power” - an altogether more satisfactory arrangement in which a benevolent, grey-haired leader rules over the sport forever.

He also revealed that the PCB are planning to cash in on the sudden popularity of a small area of northern Pakistan. The Abottobad Premier League will feature franchises made up of locals, sightseers and journalists. Keiron Pollard has already signed up to play for two of the teams.

Thursday, May 12th In unsurprising news today, Pope Benedict XVI made a statement confirming that he was still a strong adherent of the Catholic faith; the Forestry Commission announced the complete success of their campaign to encourage bear defecation in deciduous woodland; the earth was noted to have rotated once on its axis and Kevin Pietersen lost his wicket to a left-arm spinner.

Friday, May 13th After research commissioned by Cricket Australia revealed that South Africa is not the same as Sri Lanka, Greg Chappell has announced a radical new selection policy. This year the selectors will be picking different squads for different tours, according to the prevailing conditions. Personally I think they’ve gone for the right option.

Those other options in full:

1. Pick the same squad for both tours regardless (“The Hilditch Option”) 2. Pick different squads for different tours but get them the wrong way round 3. Fail to pick a squad for either tour.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Lakisha on September 6, 2011, 15:23 GMT

    Holy sizhint, this is so cool thank you.

  • Jaycee on September 5, 2011, 10:51 GMT

    Keep on writnig and chugging away!

  • ram on May 16, 2011, 15:53 GMT

    nice one andrew...good to read something refreshing and light about cricket...waiting for another one

  • Ashish on May 16, 2011, 4:23 GMT

    "In an interview with the Complacent Administration Monthly"..hahaha... how good is this guy!

  • Razi on May 16, 2011, 3:32 GMT

    Andrew : I appreciate your reply .. Sorry If I have jumped to any conclusions ... The pun has just left a bad taste in my mouth .. told you the reason already .. but you have your reason sorted out .. You have every reason to stick to it .... any taunt about Abottabad in the near future would not be taken lightly by Pakistanis ..

    Cheers

  • praxis on May 16, 2011, 0:18 GMT

    Great piece man, loved it! Hope that you'll write something on Pak vs WI test series in the next post. Many of us are truly relieved to see some proper cricket among all these T-20 games.

  • Andrew Hughes on May 15, 2011, 14:04 GMT

    Razi, Kamran and Imran

    I appreciate your sentiment, though I disagree with your conclusions. I was not referring to the difficulties that Pakistan is going through. It was purely a comment on the phenomenon of thousands of sightseers and journalists descending on a small town and perhaps also the various , sometimes desperate attempts that we have seen around the world to set up T20 leagues to cash in on the popularity of the format.

    I did not and would not attempt to make humour out of the wider situation in Pakistan or the fact that people are dying. And, even if I were so callous as to attempt such a thing, I am sure that Cricinfo would not publish it.

  • Pradeep on May 15, 2011, 11:28 GMT

    "Fail to pick a squad for either tour. " ...A good one in the context :)

  • Alfred on May 15, 2011, 7:33 GMT

    Absolutely love the 12th of May!

  • gujjarkhan on May 15, 2011, 6:58 GMT

    abbotabad premier league would be better thn the IPL interms of entertainment provided to tv spectators

  • Lakisha on September 6, 2011, 15:23 GMT

    Holy sizhint, this is so cool thank you.

  • Jaycee on September 5, 2011, 10:51 GMT

    Keep on writnig and chugging away!

  • ram on May 16, 2011, 15:53 GMT

    nice one andrew...good to read something refreshing and light about cricket...waiting for another one

  • Ashish on May 16, 2011, 4:23 GMT

    "In an interview with the Complacent Administration Monthly"..hahaha... how good is this guy!

  • Razi on May 16, 2011, 3:32 GMT

    Andrew : I appreciate your reply .. Sorry If I have jumped to any conclusions ... The pun has just left a bad taste in my mouth .. told you the reason already .. but you have your reason sorted out .. You have every reason to stick to it .... any taunt about Abottabad in the near future would not be taken lightly by Pakistanis ..

    Cheers

  • praxis on May 16, 2011, 0:18 GMT

    Great piece man, loved it! Hope that you'll write something on Pak vs WI test series in the next post. Many of us are truly relieved to see some proper cricket among all these T-20 games.

  • Andrew Hughes on May 15, 2011, 14:04 GMT

    Razi, Kamran and Imran

    I appreciate your sentiment, though I disagree with your conclusions. I was not referring to the difficulties that Pakistan is going through. It was purely a comment on the phenomenon of thousands of sightseers and journalists descending on a small town and perhaps also the various , sometimes desperate attempts that we have seen around the world to set up T20 leagues to cash in on the popularity of the format.

    I did not and would not attempt to make humour out of the wider situation in Pakistan or the fact that people are dying. And, even if I were so callous as to attempt such a thing, I am sure that Cricinfo would not publish it.

  • Pradeep on May 15, 2011, 11:28 GMT

    "Fail to pick a squad for either tour. " ...A good one in the context :)

  • Alfred on May 15, 2011, 7:33 GMT

    Absolutely love the 12th of May!

  • gujjarkhan on May 15, 2011, 6:58 GMT

    abbotabad premier league would be better thn the IPL interms of entertainment provided to tv spectators

  • kamran on May 15, 2011, 3:05 GMT

    This is unfortunate.. making light of Abbotabad situation; is neither funny nor appropriate.

  • Imran Raja on May 15, 2011, 0:36 GMT

    Just give it a few years, when things settle down in Pakistan, no need to make fun of them. People have short memories, India in the 80's where blasts were common, Sri Lanka in 90's and dont get me started on SA. Have some decency and not make this into a joke.

  • Setu Madhavan on May 14, 2011, 17:58 GMT

    So boring.

  • Vladimir Lem on May 14, 2011, 16:29 GMT

    i wonder if you require ravi shastri anymore to hear tracer bullets during a cricket match

  • Shahzan on May 14, 2011, 16:08 GMT

    The article is below standard!!! The writer is so so..........

  • Huss on May 14, 2011, 15:16 GMT

    That WAS actually pretty boring tbh. Felt like a forced article.

  • Razi Haider on May 14, 2011, 14:25 GMT

    "Abottabad Premier League 2011", excuse me

    Please remove this pun. It has been a very hard time for Pakistan and making fun of this is sheer derogatory taunt to human life. People are dying and respecting that is the least you can do.

  • Razi Haider on May 14, 2011, 14:18 GMT

    "Abottabad Premier League 2011"

  • Andrew Hughes on May 14, 2011, 14:13 GMT

    Thanks for your comments.

    Jaker, Ravi is indeed unstoppable, but perhaps he could use different munitions. Rocket propelled grenades? Surface to air missiles? The possibilities are endless.

    KM, I can assure you, the feeling is mutual.

  • Imran on May 14, 2011, 13:30 GMT

    come on Ijaz butt....good idea to encash the moment/...

  • Amie on May 14, 2011, 12:54 GMT

    Good one Andrew,"Abottabad Premier League 2011"...Though the stadium & pitch is going to be scenic in Himalayas...Players will be in compound coming in & out...These mountains are the same place,where "John Howard" bowled his famous delivery in 2005...At that time Australia have got Golden Era with Invincible players till WC 2007...

  • jaker on May 14, 2011, 12:51 GMT

    Surely ravi shastri will have a blast in the abottabad premier league. Nobody can stop him or his references to tracer bullets

  • KM on May 14, 2011, 10:28 GMT

    *Yawn.* You bore me.

  • Biggus on May 14, 2011, 8:32 GMT

    "Complacent Administration Monthly"-One of your very best, Andrew me old matey!

  • reddy on May 14, 2011, 8:23 GMT

    Haha, the Abottabad premier league will surely go off with a bang :D

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • reddy on May 14, 2011, 8:23 GMT

    Haha, the Abottabad premier league will surely go off with a bang :D

  • Biggus on May 14, 2011, 8:32 GMT

    "Complacent Administration Monthly"-One of your very best, Andrew me old matey!

  • KM on May 14, 2011, 10:28 GMT

    *Yawn.* You bore me.

  • jaker on May 14, 2011, 12:51 GMT

    Surely ravi shastri will have a blast in the abottabad premier league. Nobody can stop him or his references to tracer bullets

  • Amie on May 14, 2011, 12:54 GMT

    Good one Andrew,"Abottabad Premier League 2011"...Though the stadium & pitch is going to be scenic in Himalayas...Players will be in compound coming in & out...These mountains are the same place,where "John Howard" bowled his famous delivery in 2005...At that time Australia have got Golden Era with Invincible players till WC 2007...

  • Imran on May 14, 2011, 13:30 GMT

    come on Ijaz butt....good idea to encash the moment/...

  • Andrew Hughes on May 14, 2011, 14:13 GMT

    Thanks for your comments.

    Jaker, Ravi is indeed unstoppable, but perhaps he could use different munitions. Rocket propelled grenades? Surface to air missiles? The possibilities are endless.

    KM, I can assure you, the feeling is mutual.

  • Razi Haider on May 14, 2011, 14:18 GMT

    "Abottabad Premier League 2011"

  • Razi Haider on May 14, 2011, 14:25 GMT

    "Abottabad Premier League 2011", excuse me

    Please remove this pun. It has been a very hard time for Pakistan and making fun of this is sheer derogatory taunt to human life. People are dying and respecting that is the least you can do.

  • Huss on May 14, 2011, 15:16 GMT

    That WAS actually pretty boring tbh. Felt like a forced article.