This, that and the other. Mostly the other
As discovered by Samantha Pendergrast
December 10 Indian cricket fans are a scary bunch. You can't say anything bad about me without causing a riot. Hell, I can't say anything bad about me! I went to this cricket website (which shamelessly uses my name to get hits) and saw 377 comments by readers enraged that my name wasn't mentioned in an article... about Vanuatu's* qualification for World Cricket League Division 5.
December 11 Bhajji has given me a t-shirt that reads: "Bradman is Don but you are my bhai". He's a good lad.
December 12 Just got back from a BABE meeting. Set up in 1933 by the Don, BABE is an elite squad of batting geniuses (Gavaskar, Lara, Rahul, Kallis, Chanders are all members) who use their skills for the greater good. It stands for Batsmen Against Bowlers Etc. Our most recent success was the introduction of the batting Powerplay. I took Viru along for his induction, but it wasn't a successful one. At every point of discussion, he interrupted the speaker.
Jacques: I think the rule that if it pitches outside off but hits you in line with stumps while you didn't offer a shot is unfair.
(Murmurs of "Hear, hear")
Viru: Arre, what pitch witch? Just hit ball and no lbw happen only.
Jayawardene: Do you think we can get the front-foot no-ball law to be tweaked to front-half of front foot is a no-ball?
Viru: No, no, don't worry about bowler. You look ball and hit.
December 14 After 20 years of giving interviews to the media, I feel so bored. No one ever asks me anything new. It's all "Oh, you're such a legend, you're the greatest, I am in awe just standing next to you." Sometimes I hear so much that when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I rush to get an autograph. Why don't they ask me something interesting? Like what's my favourite TV show. With all the one-day series I've bunked this year, I have had lots of time on my hands. I'm hooked to Bigg Boss and totally rooting for the Great Khali. But I just don't understand why the lights in that house are so bright? And why was the fat lady so mean initially?
December 16 Rahul walked into my room chuckling. It seems a list of least controversial sportspersons was published recently and we are one and two. We've had a running battle about which of us leads a more colourful life. Well, if he had only waited a couple more balls in Multan... he'd be No. 1.
Still, the list makes it out to be that I am naturally dull. People don't understand how hard I have to work to be non-controversial. There was a time when the stock markets used to crash if I had indigestion. Oh, and that whole liberalisation thing. I was asked in an interview in 1991 about my favourite chocolates. I said I liked Hersheys and Mars and that since we didn't get them in India, I stocked up every time I went on tour. That night the PM called to apologise and the next day the government announced that Indian markets would be opened up to international trade.
December 20 Fifty centuries. I feel privileged to get there. Of course it doesn't mean I am the world's best batsman, but I'm glad that all the hard work I put in all these years paid off. And I didn't let down the faith that the people of our nation had in me.
So long Ricky. Sucker!
(*Remember to to check if Vanuatu's on the market. Will make a good anniversary present)
All quotes and facts in this article are fiction (but you knew that already, didn't you?)
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