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Don't win it for Sachin

It's not just about Tendulkar. Here's a list of people and causes India can win the World Cup for

Nishi Narayanan

Comments: 40 | Text size: A | A
Angry Pakistan fans hang a player's effigy from a tree, Karachi, August 30 2010
Effigy beaters are human too, you know © AFP
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Series/Tournaments: ICC Cricket World Cup
Teams: India

An Indian newspaper has titled its World Cup campaign, "This time for Tendulkar". We think there are some more deserving people and causes that the Indian team could win the World Cup for this year.

For the Indian government
The last couple of years have been hard on the people who rule this country. They have shuffled their feet and mumbled incoherently through telecom scandals, separate state/nation demands, and galloping inflation. So, please Team India, win the trophy so the government can carry on being useless without having to explain itself to a nation too busy rejoicing.

For Ravi Shastri
"The men in blue came to the party by defying the odds and won this game of glorious uncertainties by putting their best foot forward in the crunch time. This is what separates the men from theā€¦" Oh shut it. Even the Verbanator will have something original to say if Tendulkar lifts the trophy at the Wankhede.

For ESPNcricinfo
It's possible our servers may crash and burn if India win the World Cup, but nevertheless we'll be millionaires overnight. Even the menials at Page 2 will get to spread gold-flaked butter on their daily bread.

For the paper-recycling industry
Mark our words: everyone who watches this World Cup will blog about it. And when it's over, they'll turn it into a book. India's win will mean nearly a million manuscripts (each starting with the writer's childhood love for Sachin). Out of which let's pray that at least 990,909 will be rejected and be sent to paper heaven.

For window-pane manufacturers
Once the World Cup is won, cricket will replace XBox as the No. 1 sport. And since India has streets and gullies, instead of parks and village greens, there will be several windows to be broken and subsequently repaired. Similarly thriving businesses also for: grumpy senior citizens who refuse to return errant cricket balls.

For the 1983 World Cup squad
They can finally retire from having to recall the memorable performances and magic moments of their tournament every time a World Cup comes around.

For agents
Not the ones who know when no-balls will be bowled but the Jerry Maguire sort, who show you the money, the kwan, the big fat IPL contract, and teach you how to tweet without making a fool of yourself.

We also realised that there are also some people and things for whom India could lose the World Cup

For Bollywood
Cricket will no longer be the flavour of the season if India exit early. Maybe then the industry will stop churning out godawful cricket-themed movies such as the recent one about a second-generation British-Indian whose father won't let him play cricket for England (only South African daddies are nice like that).

For hairstyles that only Shahid Afridi can pull off
Zaheer Khan's accident-with-a-mercury-filled-thermometer hairstyle isn't something you want catching on, is it? Or the Sreesanth afro, which the island of Tuvalu claims is part of its coral reef.

For effigy-makers
Who will be out of business if India win - unless the government refuses to give Tendulkar the Bharat Ratna, the country's highest civilian award, next year.

For Greg Chappell
Who can say, "What Guru Greg couldn't do, Guru Gary couldn't either."

Nishi Narayanan is a staff writer at ESPNcricinfo

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Comments: 40 
Posted by   on (February 23, 2011, 18:44 GMT)

Haha hilarious, yet true in a way.

Posted by dyogesh on (February 22, 2011, 22:30 GMT)

Good one, Nishi. The only guys to profit from victory or loss is Indian media. Either way it is going to be awful.

Posted by Haleos on (February 22, 2011, 11:51 GMT)

Gr88 work Nishi. Enjoyed it a lot. It was kind of Zaltzsmanisque.

Posted by   on (February 22, 2011, 6:57 GMT)

and win it for indigo producers,they are the ones who make 'men in blue'. And also for the poor rikshaw driver who carries the cricket fanatics to the stadium

Posted by lionel22 on (February 22, 2011, 5:40 GMT)

Did u attempt a Zaltman here?

Posted by indianzen on (February 22, 2011, 5:23 GMT)

Billions of people in India are looking forward for one small moment which is to put the name India on the International Cricket's history. Even a street beggar knows what a doosra means. I have been playing cricket since when I was 8 years old and all I request is to win this WC and bring pride to all the INDIANS across the GLOBE. The Entire world cannot do without INDIA.

Posted by maddy20 on (February 22, 2011, 4:57 GMT)

"godawful cricket-themed movies such as the recent one about a second-generation British-Indian whose father won't let him play cricket for England (only South African daddies are nice like that)" Thats a classic!

Posted by   on (February 22, 2011, 3:35 GMT)

The one about Ravi Shastri and the one about 1983 world cup squads are real gems. Thanks Nishi.

Posted by pk_cric_rox on (February 22, 2011, 2:12 GMT)

all the good luck stars are in line for india.they have the best team of their history,they have won quite a lot lately, their arch rivals dont stand a chance,and team above them in ranking is on a decline. and on top of all this they r playing on home grounds and their players have played so much cricket locally that they know the grounds n wickets like back of their hand.only real competition they face is only from sri lanka.i dont think india should miss this chance.but lets hope the best team wins

Posted by   on (February 21, 2011, 22:07 GMT)

I agree with dileen.. winning the WC for the ppl of india?? that has been there right from WC1976.. so whats new? as MSD pointed it out, whats new is that this team's members have grown up watching Sachin play cricket, inspiring them that special way only a cricketer idol can inspire fellow cricketers, and now is their chance to play alongside him in the WC. and it sure is going to be his last one.

so whats new in this world cup, is that we wanna win it for sachin. though i honestly feel that if the team (esp bowlers) can perform even 20% better than what they did 2003 WC, Sachin will take care of the rest and win the World Cup for himself and the nation. and after all this early talk, i hope it really comes true!

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Nishi Narayanan
Staff writer Nishi studied journalism because she didn't want to study at all. As she spent most of the time at j-school stationed in front of the TV watching cricket her placement officer had no choice but to send out a desperate plea to the editor of ESPNcricinfo to hire her. Though some of the senior staff was suspicious at that a diploma in journalism was the worst thing that could happen to ESPNcricinfo and she did nothing to allay them, she continues to log in everyday and do her two bits for cricket.

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Staff writer Nishi studied journalism because she didn't want to study at all. As she spent most of the time at j-school stationed in front of the TV watching cricket her placement officer had no choice but to send out a desperate plea to the editor of ESPNcricinfo to hire her. Though some of the senior staff was suspicious at that a diploma in journalism was the worst thing that could happen to ESPNcricinfo and she did nothing to allay them, she continues to log in everyday and do her two bits for cricket.
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