The Heavy Ball

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Cricket's letters to Santa

Two front teeth? Apparently some of our leading lights want a little more for X'Mas

Alan Tyers

Comments: 9 | Text size: A | A
Kevin Pietersen arrives back at Heathrow Airport after England's series win in India, London, December 18, 2012
With his new back protector in place, designed to ward off the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Kevin Pietersen felt safe and loved © PA Photos
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The most wonderful time of the year (Yuletide, not the Big Bash) is upon us, and the great and the good of cricket have been busy with their letters to Father Christmas

Stuart Broad
I would like a pony, please, Santa. I will look after him very nicely and brush his hair just like mine. Don't let me down on this. You know how cross I can get when I appeal for something and it doesn't go my way.

Sir Ian Botham
I would like you to have a reindeer here, here, here and here. I want three elves there, and another four there. And a short sled in here and here. I just cannot understand the point of flying over the rooftops in a defensive manner.

Justin Langer
Santa, mate, I have complied a dossier for you. I have marked children down as being "Naughty" or "Nice". Hope that helps.

Sachin Tendulkar
Dear Santa. I do not require anything for the holiday season, thank you, but I would like to ask: who do you think will retire first - you or me?

Virender Sehwag
I left you out a pies but I ated it. For Christmas I would like some more pies.

The Australian Seam Bowling Attack
G'day Santa, mate. We're not too strong on the old writing so we are writing you a joint letter. Starcy in charge of the words, Sidds does the punutc - the uncupunca - the punchycun - all them little dots and what have you, and Mitchell Johnson was in charge of licking the stamp. For Christmas we would like some metal legs and backs, cheers.

The ICC Fixture Schedulers
Dear Santa. We suggest you follow our lead and increase the frequency of your appearances. Think how much more magical (and lucrative!) Christmas would be if it happened every day.

Kevin Pietersen
Look Santa, buddy, it is not about what I want. It is about the team doing the best it possibly can. You know that. Like me, sure, you are the star of the show, but you need your elves and little helpers, just like I do. So just give my presents to the little people. Although I would still like a Ferrari, if that is okay.

The BCCI
We find so-called video evidence for your existence ("Elf", "Bad Santa" etc) to be unreliable, so will stick with the human-error method of parents sneaking into bedrooms late at night with gifts and hitting their shins on things, waking up the children and shattering their childhood innocence.

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Comments: 9 
Posted by Niketh2000 on (December 22, 2012, 9:12 GMT)

Great Article! Very Funny, I just can't realise which part is funnier. Merry Christmas to all !!

P.S. Dear Santa, I would like to have 1. a Boxing day test victory for Sri Lanka.

2.A newly released Kookabura bat ,no not a one with the old names- Kahuna (please, please dont let Rick read this Santa) or Recoil, but a one with a brand new name because my main purpose is to show off to my friends, wait, what was those names now?

3.A Nimbus 2013 - if you want me to get the Snitch before Malfoy (I heard that you too support Gryffindor).

Merry Christmas to you Santa!!

Posted by   on (December 22, 2012, 3:42 GMT)

good fun to read sp about sehwag ated................

Posted by ToTellUTheTruth on (December 21, 2012, 20:35 GMT)

hohoho!!! What a nice read!!! You are in my good boys list!!! Hohohoho!!! Funny.

Santa from North Pole

Posted by Gazzamonster on (December 21, 2012, 15:42 GMT)

Dear Santa,

I thought I had been a good boy all year but I guess I was on your naughty list.

I would really like something that would allow me to get all these knives out of my back.

Thanks Ross Taylor

Posted by Selassie-I on (December 21, 2012, 10:05 GMT)

Great article...

Nothing for Christmas Santa, you already covered the last 6 years and proabably the next 10 by delivering us an Alastair Cook on Christmas day.

The gift that keeps giving at this time of year, Ashes wins in Australia and series wins in India. Please don't let it break.

Merry Christmas & thank you

English Fans

Posted by   on (December 21, 2012, 9:55 GMT)

Sehwag's grammar has improved a lot.....

Posted by jameshunt on (December 21, 2012, 8:33 GMT)

The best article I've ever read on Cricinfo, and I pretty much live on this website!

Posted by   on (December 21, 2012, 8:27 GMT)

Dear Santa I don't need anything this year as I have got EVERYTHING I asked for. However if you do feel inclined to bring me some I need some new toys as I have thrown all my other ones out the cot.

Please don't bring me any games as I will probably lose all of them just after the new year.

Regards Brendon McCullum

Posted by   on (December 21, 2012, 7:00 GMT)

brilliant aricle...especially the part about Sir Ian Botham, fantastic!

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan TyersClose
Alan Tyers Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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