The Surfer

What a curious affliction it must be to be a full-time Pakistan fan, to follow a side who go through such giddy swings of form. Does anyone in cricket suffer so much? And is anyone in cricket rewarded for their suffering with such exquisite performances, such paroxysmic peaks of pleasure? In the last week the world watched, ever-more slack jawed, as they destroyed Australia in the first Test at Dubai. The result gave just as much pleasure to cricket-lovers in this corner of the world as Pakistan's 3-0 demolition of England in 2011 must have done to those Down Under. And yet it was only a fortnight ago that Pakistan lost two wickets for no runs at all in the final over of an ODI when they only needed two to win. Off Glenn Maxwell's bowling.

Arguably the most credible candidate to fill in for Haddin for the first two one-dayers, based on Matador Cup form, was Ben Dunk. The Tasmanian belted 403 runs at an average of 67.17 and a strike-rate of 109.21, including a record innings of 229 not out off 157 deliveries. He has, however, been playing as a specialist batsman. While it is right to give him a chance for Australia in Twenty20, especially as he is a legitimate contender to succeed Haddin in that format, it is a bridge too far to bring someone who has been playing as a specialist batsman straight in to be Australia's one-day gloveman, even just for two matches. When it comes to career domestic one-day averages and strike-rates Wade's - 38.95 and 84.14 - is the best of all the available glovemen

Their birthdates were even more flexible than the wrists of the spinners, we spelled their names wrong or else pronounced them incorrectly and marveled that the earth contained so many people with at least two Qs in their name. These Pakistan teams that we saw with our own eyes or on Channel 9's telecasts were easy to fall in love with for they were loaded with unconventional talent and an abundance of memorable characters like Imran, Sarfraz, Qasim, Ijaz, Wasim, Waqar, Saeed, plus all those Mushtaqs and Mohammads. And Mushtaq Mohammad.

"When I made my Test debut, I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. I was a young rash kid and just went out and batted and it worked because of whatever I had practiced previously. I played a rash shot at Lord's. I faced the challenge of an Indian batsman playing abroad in England. I am still 24 and it is always a matter of just one good Ranji Trophy season and you are back in the reckoning. You never know what might happen in a year."

"You can't just say I'm on full throttle and bowl full-tosses and half-trackers. You bowl fast and be consistent or swing the ball and be consistent. Consistency is the common factor. My strength is not bowling a half-volley length or trying to swing the ball from upfront. I can't bowl a half-volley and swing the ball. That's the way Bhuvi bowls. My full is hitting the top of off, and that's what I am always striving to do," he explains.

Let us wince, but not catastrophise. The miracle of last summer was that all that winning without end was achieved by a patchwork team - the ancient, the rejected, the brittle, the untried, but most of all, the Mitch Johnson - that found inspiration within and brought England and South Africa to heel. But it was also obvious that it could not last, that the team would have to be renewed and reinforced and remade, and that the process would involve some pain, and it is now obvious that the Gulf was always going to be a difficult venue for the new beginning. In Dubai, the two debutants floundered at times, which ought not to have surprised; they were up a level. They underscored the reality that this is a different team in a different place at a different time. This could never have been the Ashes and South Africa continued. It was the first day of the rest of Australia's cricket life.

The West Indians command none of that territory after the farcical failure of the game's governing body in the Caribbean and its leader, Whycliffe "Dave" Cameron, to anticipate the storm clouds that have been gathering over wages. "President Cameron", as he defines himself on Twitter was retweeting philosophical quotes from Nelson Mandela and others when the storm was brewing, rather than taking a flight to India to sort it out.

The roots of the problem are also located in the fact that the West Indies is a fictional concept. "It's the only thing we do together," Michael Holding says of cricket in Fire in Babylon and the islands have certainly become more fragmented and mutually hostile. Witness Trinidad and Barbados recently refusing entry to and deporting Jamaicans. In the current conflict, the players' union leader Wavell Hinds - a Jamaican - seems to have cut a deal with the West Indian Cricket Board that favours the second level of players, including lots of hungry Jamaicans, against the most established stars like Bravo, of Trinidad.

Can you sense fear in a batsman? "The answer is yes. Through body language you can see it. A lot of players are scared and they back away and hit you over extra cover and it looks really good, it's a one bounce four and he runs down near where I'm standing but I know inside that he's absolutely crapping himself. I know, and he knows, the only reason he played that shot was because he was shitting himself. I get that feeling all the time."

Three conditions need to be placed on Ryder before he is even considered for the World Cup. (1) Will he swear off alcohol for the duration of the tournament. (2) Will he shorten his Big Bash contract with the Melbourne Renegades to focus on New Zealand's buildup to the tournament. (3) Will he toe the line in terms of his fitness work. Only then, should he be considered and even then I wouldn't pick him. If New Zealand is stuck for an opener then Brendon McCullum is as good as anything going around. My guess is Ryder won't agree to those conditions, so he is not an option for the World Cup.