The Surfer

I had got on to the story because I was intrigued that Harbhajan should have used the word 'monkey'. I grew up in India and the word had never been seen as a racial insult. The Indian word for monkey is 'bandar' and in my childhood was used a word to chastise children who were naughty. I was often myself called a bandar if I became too high spirited. What I also wanted to know was, if Harbhajan did call Symonds 'monkey', did he use the English word or the Indian word, bandar?

India's post-Sydney mix of wild threats and risible excuses - none more ridiculous than the claim that because monkeys are venerated in India, if Harbhajan had used the term it could not be racist - have lost it much respect in Australia. In the week that the Indian board announced a £500m, 10-year TV deal for rights to its new Twenty20 competition - the Indian Premier League - its lack of sober assessment has smacked not for the first time of power without responsibility.

The postponing of Harbhajan Singh's appeal against a three-match ban for racial abuse until after the end of the Test series was another example of the game turning its head sideways when eyeballed by controversy. Official excuses that it would take time to assemble witnesses were rubbish. They could have all been in Perth over the last three days.

By their demeanour and deeds over the next five days, the elite cricketers of Australia and India have an opportunity to apologise en masse for one of the sorriest weeks in the game in recent memory.

Cricket is a game of skill and performance. On the tour of Australia, the most searing examination of skill and performance in the game that there is, it must be noted that the young Hindustanis who ‘give it back' have been somewhat silent on the scoreboard.

We - the fans and the pundits - will go on demanding complete commitment, we will go on criticising batsmen for getting out (it happens from time to time) and bowlers for sending down half-volleys. We will call them disgraces to their respective nations and we will make sure damn sure they do not want to fail .... We will, in other words, continue to get the game we deserve.

They are all widely travelled cosmopolitans, visit each other's countries frequently, form friendships across national divides and mostly play together in England anyway. They understand each other well enough. Whatever Harbhajan said, he meant. Whatever the Australians said to provoke him, they meant.

It might seem a gentle pastime involving a bat and a ball, conducted along lines imposed by carefully written laws and sustained by honoured traditions, but scrape away the surface and it bears a close resemblance to a bare-knuckled brawl.

There was a time when the greatest insult to an Australian cricketer was to mention the phrase "no sheep in the top paddock". After the SCG Test the words "monkey" and "bastard" are apparently offensive. Speed and Co have a new challenge: compile a dictionary of words that are offensive to the modern cricketer, or his culture.

Funny thing, though, race. Sometimes what is perceived as a racist issue is not really about race at all. In Sydney, race was the issue that lanced the boil, but the pus underneath had been gathering and festering for years and concerned much more fundamental cricketing issues. Like what kind of team are Australia? Can a team who play exhilarating cricket and try their damnedest to win every game actually be bad for the game? Ultimately, the aftermath of Sydney was about the kind of game we want to see preserved. What does the game stand for, if anything at all, and what kind of game would we like to see played out on the most visible arena of all? In short, what is this thing we call the 'spirit of cricket'?

Departure for the ground is at 9am, half an hour earlier on day one to allow for pre-match services. On overseas tours they have a coach and driver, but in Australia it's rented 12-seater buses, driven by whoever is first to the keys. "Michael Clarke is normally in charge of the first bus," Hussey says. "He's down there a bit earlier, keen to get to the ground and get himself set up.” Brad Hogg, who would not have been out of place in On The Buses, is another keen driver. The journey from hotel to ground is no more than 10 minutes in any city, yet long enough to prompt some slack-jawed gazes when children in car back seats realise who they've pulled up next to at the lights.