'People can abuse me for a lifetime, but they can't stop me from playing'
Shikhar Dhawan talks about what he has learnt from spending time out of the Indian team

"I am so much in love with my work that people can abuse me for a lifetime, but they cannot stop me from working or holding a bat" • AFP
These knocks were very important because I haven't been making a lot of runs for quite some time, but my process has always been the same. I was working hard and never let my work ethic go down. This tournament is one of the more important ones ahead of the Champions Trophy. I knew that I had to do well to find a place in the Indian team once again. Luckily the right things happened at the right time, so I am very thankful to God that things have fallen in place.
Look, there are always a few innings over which these things happen. When I was playing the ODI series against England, I knew that it was an important series. In the first game, I got out cutting one uppishly to third man, and in the second, I got an inside edge onto the stumps after attempting a drive. I feel I was doing the right things but it's just that they weren't going my way.
"This time [away from the India side] has taught me to accept things, and I can say it has made me a more relaxed person"
There are a few changes I made, but I don't want to discuss them. That [cutting out strokes] is more a mental aspect than a technical one. You apply your mind and work out which shot leaves you at a greater risk of getting out. Such things are always a part of your planning as a batsman -which shot is on or not on a certain pitch. I am more of an instinctive player who likes to play on the merit of the ball rather than think about which shots I have to shelve. I enjoy playing shots and that gives me confidence.
If you look at ODIs, I was among the runs when we last played in Australia. Even in the T20s I made runs. I played only two ODIs after the Australia series [against England this January], and then I was dropped from the XI. Of course, when you aren't in good form, there is always pressure on you to make runs in international cricket, regardless of the format. I feel that the flow - like, when I was doing well, I was playing all the three formats - naturally got affected when I wasn't scoring runs [in Test matches]. The impact of my poor run in Test matches was felt in ODIs and T20s as well. It wasn't as if my ODI record suffered because of those two matches - my records are still very strong - but the flow will obviously be affected.
I talk to [VVS] Laxman bhai a lot because I spend time with him at Sunrisers Hyderabad in the IPL. On the mental aspects, I always look to be positive and relaxed. Every moment is a new one. Planning is one thing, but what you feel out there in the middle is a totally different ball game. When I was getting out for 25-30, I wanted to somehow grit it out and convert it into a bigger score. I know what my strengths are, but still somehow things haven't gone my way.
I was very relaxed. Of course, you want to put on partnerships, say a 50-run partnership that will stabilise the team. Once you spend time, the flow starts coming, and I am that kind of batsman who makes runs quickly once I am in the flow. I was playing on merit and didn't really worry too much about what I needed to do. Actually, I enjoyed my cricket more in these few months because there was less pressure on me and I was free.
It totally depends on the individual and how he handles pressure. It is always easier said than done. I wasn't playing well in the Indian team, and no matter how much I wanted to relax, I couldn't because you know where you stand. At the end of the day, when you are giving your best and yet things are not happening, frustration creeps in.
The first step in my process includes brushing my teeth (laughs). Training includes gym sessions thrice a week, when there are no matches. Then there are running sessions and two-three net sessions and throwdowns in between. Then I work on improving a particular shot. This is generally the process I have followed.
"I don't read anything on social media. If I am going to do well, they will write good things about me. If I am going to play badly, they will write bad things about me"
It makes me happy to see that the boys are doing well. There is also a bit of sadness that I am not a part of it. But then, wherever I am, I am happy. I enjoy laughing - that is one of my strengths - and I like making people laugh. Whether it is the Delhi team or the India team, it really doesn't matter to me. I just want to be in a happy space and make sure people around me are happy. For me to have to go back to the Indian team and play, I have to stay positive and happy. That's the only way I can climb the ladder again. Of course, I am happy for those who are doing well for India, but I want to return to the team because I know I have the ability to play international cricket for a long time.
Everybody is busy with his own life, so it [talking to each other] doesn't happen often. But when we meet, it is always a fun reunion.
When I know that myself, what can I ask him (laughs)? If I do well and score runs, I will come back to the team. I will say that the selectors have been very supportive and they always communicate nicely and tell you what their plans are and where we stand.
I never wished to be dropped. In fact, I was putting all my efforts into getting back to form. I felt very proud for continuing to bat with a fractured hand against New Zealand. I stood there for my team. Playing with a broken hand when I was not among the runs was a very satisfying moment for me. I cherish it.
I don't read anything on social media (laughs). If I am going to do well, they will write good things about me. If I am going to play badly, they will write bad things about me. There are people who may make fun of or criticise others. Such people are necessary because they drive you to do better and act as motivating factors. I want to thank everybody, including my critics, because if they don't say what they say, I won't be pushed into doing what I am doing.
Their support has been very significant. I am always thankful to my wife, kids and parents. They know how hard I work. My wife likes to talk about how I went through the day, about my emotions, and can tell me how I can handle those things. These are small things but are special. The main thing is, I like living life without tension.
Firstly, fitness is very important. You always have to maintain high standards of fitness. And then there is performance, of course - if your form is good, then there is no worry. Thirdly, if you see, someone like [KL] Rahul or Rohit [Sharma] are doing well… When Rahul came, he took my place just like I replaced someone else when I came into the side. That's how I see it. If they can replace me, I can replace them again. What's the big deal in it?
It's very important, but every tournament is important for me, regardless of whether I am playing for Delhi or India. Every match is important because I create a habit out of it. I will never play a match with less intensity. If I am playing in the Deodhar Trophy, I am playing with the same intensity as I would for India. That is a big process for me. I want to keep performing well in the IPL as well and try to win another title for Sunrisers Hyderabad.
Arun Venugopal is a correspondent at ESPNcricinfo. @scarletrun