In place of the environment-friendly tip of the day, television viewers will be provided with the Lalit Modi Zen Koan of the day at the toss.

To commemorate the impact of Twitter on the 2010 tournament, a new restriction will be introduced: no one will be allowed to bowl over 140kph for the first 15 overs.

Sourav Ganguly and Jagmohan Dalmiya's franchise, the Barabati Boosters, will have as their USP a team anthem based on rabindra sangeet set to hip-hop.

With many IPL functionaries under investigation, TV presenters and players will be asked to fill in. Mandira Bedi will sit in the dugout as the actress stuck with a lousy team, and Yuvraj Singh will sit in the VIP box and look at two BlackBerries every 5.2 seconds.

Each match ticket will have a new surcharge tacked on, the proceeds of which will go towards the setting up of a Twitter mishap contingency fund for the IPL.

The IPL trophy will be fashioned out of a revolutionary blend of marmite and cellphone plastic - in tribute to two of the league's most influential figures, Shane Warne and Lalit Modi.

A band of attack dogs, specially trained to deal with pitch invasions by garden-variety canines, will turn rabid and attack the Royal Challengers dugout, mistaking the players for blood-soaked meat.

After the Dalai Lama refuses to be associated with the IPL, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon will take over as the tournament's religious figure of choice. There will be 16 mandatory shots of the moon during all night games to underline the association.

Roving bands of IPL inspectors will make visits to television viewers' homes and ask them trivia questions relating to the games in the previous year's tournament. Those failing to answer correctly will be sentenced to have dinner with Danny Morrison.

After two years of research and development, moths will unveil a new, hardy variant immune to all manner of insecticide and hold the IPL to ransom for a stake in the Kochi franchise.

All those viewing the IPL will be required by law to have a miniature replica of the MRF blimp tethered to their TVs at all times.

In a separate auction, conducted alongside the IPL player auctions, Hello magazine will bid successfully for the first pictures of Andrew Symonds without zinc cream on.

Someone will wake up and realise that Bill Lawry and Ian Smith, the epitomes of "enthusiastic" commentary, are, in fact, not on the IPL commentary team yet, and sack the official broadcaster for the offence.

A terror group kidnaps the IPL commentators and forces them to watch their own match coverage for 24 hours. Once released, all of them promise to behave better. Except Danny Morrison, who decides he's going to be more like Ravi Shastri.

Sivamani will finally be awarded the Energizer endorsement deal he has been angling for all these years.

After birds start nesting on the blimp, the IPL invests in stadium roofs that double up as big screens to flash advertisements. But the roofs are scrapped after a riot is triggered by a giant close-up of Sanjay Dutt's "Gamemaster" get-up.

Rejuvenated by finally finding a box that fits perfectly, Sachin Tendulkar will lead Mumbai to the title with 877 runs at a strike rate of an even 200.

Mike Haysman will mime his dew reports, with the crowd, by now familiar with every line, filling in the words.

Ravi Shastri will be feted for his one millionth use of the phrase "tracer bullet" with a 21-gun salute.

Authorities find a batch of Mongoose bats with hollowed handles containing devices that transmit subliminal pro-ICL messages to those who hold the bats. The IPL enlists the ICL's help to send sponsor messages via match tickets.