The Confectionery Stall

Andy Zaltzman's satirical, whimsical look at cricket

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England to win (unless Australia do)

The official, unequivocal Confectionery Stall Ashes prediction looks at ten key factors in the series

India a force in cricket (and facial hair)

An authoritative run-down of the Champions Trophy final

It will be an India-South Africa final

If you had a magical spinning bottle, you wouldn't question this prediction

The magic Champions Trophy coin, and a defence for Ramdin

And more information on earthworms than you could ever find useful

Everyone's a winner

But no one will win. Probably. Of course, someone has to, in the end. Anyway: the official Confectionery Stall preview

The stats Everest Joe Root is set to conquer

The company he keeps on a list of England centurions under the age of 23 points to a dazzling future as a climber of milestones

Cat-skinning, and a drunken donkey's driving test

England beat New Zealand comprehensively, but that doesn't mean we can't quibble about some of their tactics, which brought domesticated animals to mind

From suspended animation to slapstick frenzy

Aka the first Test of the English summer. Get your stats here. Line up, line up

Bring on the cricket megabinge

Seven Tests, 31 ODIs, six T20Is in 124 days. Let us lick our lips for what we are about to receive

XIs

The no-honours XI

Players who received plenty of applause but probably no standing ovations

The irony of being dismissed in the 90s in the '90s

And Clem Hill's pioneering work in the field of narrowly avoiding personal milestones

Peter Fulton's marvellous metamorphosis

From knocking about with the numerical nobodies, he is now mingling with the mathematical megaliths

England: wonderful, horrid England

In which the teams' season report cards are ruthlessly reviewed, one in more detail than the others

Matt Prior and the tantric massage of luck

All hail England's fortunate MVP

Just how bad are Australia?

Not as much as they look at the moment, is the answer, children. Ten irrefutable splodges of statistical truth-telling to get you through the night

Pietersen's magical second-Test abilities

When overseas, England's best batsman seems to be playing on a trampoline

England in New Zealand 2012-13

The importance of making 163 on debut

Or why Hamish Rutherford has blown his chance at immortality: a piercing statistical analysis

England in New Zealand 2012-13

Lions with snoring problems, and light-sleeping wildebeest

Aka everything you wanted to know about the New Zealand-England Test series but were afraid to ask

MS Dhoni: thrives when the knives are sharpened

Bump him up to No. 6 and see the magic unfold

Pakistan in South Africa 2012-13

Pakistan's anti-performance and other facts from Newlands

A statistical analysis of what went down in Cape Town

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