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When Sachin and the Rest play

Who'll do what and say what, and how Kevin Pietersen will react to being surrounded by other superstars

Alan Tyers
Shane Warne and Sachin Tendulkar share a light moment after the match, Rajasthan Royals v Mumbai Indians, IPL 2011, Jaipur, April 29, 2011

"And I told Rahul, he never has to worry about getting sunburnt if he stands in my shadow"  •  AFP

What can we expect when Sachin Tendulkar's Marylebone Cricket Club squad take on Shane Warne's Rest of The World on Saturday at Lord's?
"It's just a huge honour to play alongside a legend of the game like Chris Read," says Sachin - five points
Shaun Tait looks pretty rapid - one point
Shaun's radar needs a bit of an adjustment - four wides
English journalists try to get Saeed Ajmal thrown out of the match for "chucking" - one point
Australian journalists also miss the point by trying to get Murali's action tested - two points (double-jointed)
"A chance to see Shiv Chanderpaul bat" rated amongst least likely fan responses to the question "Why are you here?" - one point
Shane Warne comments: "Sure, the MCC side might be getting on a bit, but at least they're not carrying that liability Alastair Cook" - five points
Pavilion collapses under combined weight of KP, Shane and Shahid's egos - ten points
Indian fans declare excitement over chance to see Sachin "and 21 other guys whose names escape me" - one point per player you can name other than Sachin
Paul Collingwood lights up the occasion with a nuggety 20 and tidy non-fer - ten points
Brian Lara just glad not to have too many West Indians in his side - five points
Virender Sehwag is in the shape of his life - two points
Late move to replace Shahid Afridi with Luis Suarez after Shahid is banned for biting the ball - five points
Peter Siddle displays awesome competitiveness, never-say-die attitude, array of vegetarian snacks - five points
Aaron Finch slightly confused as to why he's in, and who all these old blokes are - ten points
Adam Gilchrist says something statesmanlike - five points
Shahid Afridi doesn't - ten points
ECB bans Tamim Iqbal from England cricket after he is seen fraternising with KP - two points
Rahul and Shiv bedding in for the long haul - one point per run, bonus for red-inker
Yuvraj Singh unplayable after lunch. A very large lunch - one point (and extra helpings)
Crowd disappointed when promised pyrotechnics from Boom Boom fail to materialise - one point
Dan Vettori still looks about 14 - one point
Late ICC move to have all future cricket matches contested between just these two sides - five points

As spotted by Alan Tyers