'They didn't have the women's pink Dove bottle you wanted'

The lack of context
Ramnaresh Sarwan has something to share with us.

Dread to think what he's referring to.

The courier
Not entirely sure what this is about either. Paul Collingwood appears to be importing goods for Stuart Broad.

Explain that one away, Stuart.

Colly had to make an executive decision on this issue as well.

The brave diner
Last week, Scott Styris was sledged by food, but Queensland's Ben Cutting is clearly unfazed by such things.

The backup plan
During the first Test between Australia and South Africa, Damien Fleming saw some tactics that wouldn't have made the headlines had they been leaked beforehand.

The senior pro
Tim Bresnan's feeling his age.

Comfort yourself with the thought that everyone gets old, but not everyone has phenomenally bad taste in music.

The phenomenally bad taste in music
For example, Stuart Broad's older than Joe Root and has similarly poor taste.

The motivational speaker
Tino Best is building people's self-confidence.

Wait. Exactly what do people say about Hashim Amla? Pretty much everyone agrees that he's one of the finest batsmen around, don't they?

The film review
With Danielle Wyatt.

Getting to know God
Those looking for controversy will be disappointed that we haven't heard from Sachin Tendulkar recently. In fact, he hasn't tweeted since the 4th of October. He didn't even wish everyone a happy Diwali. That probably means he wants you to have a miserable Diwali. He almost certainly hates you.

What's your philosophy?
It's easiest to just stick with Shaun Pollock for this feature. He's always got something.

That's some pretty cumbersome wordplay there, Shaun. Wait, he's got something else for us. Bet this is going to be boring.

Or maybe the problem is that those conclusions are so rarely proved incorrect. Personally I regret reading right the way to the end and it wasn't even the full 140 characters.

Nando's Watch
Chris Gayle's weighed up his options.

Well, it never seems to leave cricketers feeling disappointed, so that's probably a good choice.

And he calls himself a cricketer? Let the Gayle retirement rumours start here.