England have the greatest travelling cricket fans. Why are they the greatest? Because they damn well respect tradition, unlike the likes of you, you uncultured cretin. Traditions like getting transcendentally hammered over the course of a Test-match day, and hilariously calling Australians convicts in song, year after year after year after year. In fact, to underline their greatness, the Barmy Army is establishing brand new traditions, even now. For the third time in nine years, they have rolled out a now customary pre-Sri-Lanka-series complaint about ticket prices, alleging that Sri Lanka Cricket's ticket distributor is "taking cynical advantage of the fact that England are the only international team that bring many thousands of overseas supporters with them on tour". How dare these people leverage the market to their favour?
William Shakespeare's claim that "every action must have an equal and opposite reaction" is now understood to be about the Akmal family. Because while cousin Babar Azam has been endearing himself to millions around the world with his prolific output, the Akmals have been carefully adhering to the laws of thermodynamics by committing wonderful self-sabotage.
Nat Sciver: "She was never going to run her out. I know that none of our team would ever do that. It's just part of the game, isn't it?"https://t.co/Wa7ihZkse5 | #T20WorldCup pic.twitter.com/CKEklPkOje— ESPNcricinfo (@ESPNcricinfo) February 24, 2020
For the 1423rd time in a couple of years, international cricket is dealing with the same moral dilemma. When England bowler Katherine Brunt refused to run out South Africa's Sune Luus, who was backing up too far at the non-striker's end, the question of whether such dismissals are fair or sporting has been raised repeatedly and at great volume. This debate, clearly has only one rational winner. If the rules allow a bowler to dismiss a batsman - who gains significant unfair advantage by leaving the crease early - there is every justification for running them out this way.
Officially, Nazmul Hassan's title is president of the Bangladesh Cricket Board. This should mean he is the chief big-picture policy-maker for the board. Seven years into the job, though, this is not the way Hassan operates. This month, he has stated that he insists on knowing the playing XI and the game plan the day before each match. He also called Mominul Haque - the country's Test captain - "shy" and "soft" to justify his meddling, while he put the entire blame on a recent lost Test to Afghanistan on the players rather than taking any responsibility as board chief. Later, he also insisted that Mushfiqur Rahim, one of Bangladesh's most senior players, travel to Pakistan in April, even though his family is uncomfortable with him doing so.
By now everyone's seen and laughed at the clip of Donald Trump, leader of the free (question mark) world, mangling the name of the most beloved batsman of the last 30 years. But was this more than just a Trumpian mispronunciation? Having come to political prominence by claiming that Barack Obama was actually born in Kenya, was Trump making a similar point about the Indian (question mark) batsman? Either way, we're going to have to see this Su-chin's birth certificate.
Andrew Fidel Fernando is ESPNcricinfo's Sri Lanka correspondent. @afidelf