A few days ago, in an underground base at a secret location (a pleasant suburb of Chennai) India's caped crusaders prepared for another day of fighting injustice and battling evil!

Captain Cool: Erm, what is this?

Angry Boy: It's your breakfast drink

Captain Cool: I appreciate your efforts, Angry Boy, and I hate to be picky, but I ordered a decaf latte with skimmed milk and nutmeg sprinkles.

Angry Boy: Yes, so what's your problem?

Captain Cool: And you've brought me a chicken mayonnaise sandwich.

Angry Boy: Look they didn't have any coffee!

Captain Cool: They didn't have any coffee at the coffee shop?

Angry Boy: All right, all right, I messed up, I'm sorry, I'm not superhuman.

Captain Cool: Again, I hate to nitpick, but on your CV it definitely said something about superhuman skills.

Angry Boy: I'm just going through a run of bad form at the moment.

Captain Cool: That would explain why you parked the BCCI Mobile in the living room.

Angry Boy: I'm telling you there's a blind spot when you reverse that thing! It's impossible to control.

The sound of a cash register interrupts our intrepid duo's breakfast

Captain Cool: Quick, Angry Boy, to the Sriniphone!

On a giant screen appears Commissioner Srinivasan, surrounded by piles of coins

Srinivasan: Ah good morning

Captain Cool: Good morning your magnificence. May the sun always shine on your wet cement and may all enquiries exonerate you forever more amen.

Srinivasan: Yes, yes, there's no need for all that. Who's that with you?

Captain Cool: He's my new sidekick.

Angry Boy: I am not your sidekick!

Srinivasan: What happened to the other one?

Captain Cool: The Moustache of Wrath?

Srinivasan: Yes, I liked him. He was entertaining.

Captain Cool: You said we were spending too much time together and we should break up the Chennai monopoly a bit.

Srinivasan: Oh yes, so I did. Quite right. So what's this one called?

Captain Cool: Angry Boy.

Srinivasan: I see. And what does he do?

Captain Cool: Well, according to his CV, he has the power of uncontrollable tantrum and the ability to start an argument in an empty room. Just don't ask him to get you coffee.

Angry Boy: You know where you can stick your coffee!

Srinivasan: I like him. Reminds me of myself at the same age, only not as rich. Now, I have very serious news. According to our accountants, the defeat in the first one-day international could lead to a 0.08% drop in revenue in the short- to medium-term. I don't need to tell you how serious a potential 0.08% drop in revenue could be.

Captain Cool: No Sir

Srinivasan: Good, well sort it out. And no screw-ups this time.

Captain Cool: Yes Sir

Angry Boy: No Sir. Yes Sir. What a suck-up.

Captain Cool: Quick, Angry Boy. Assemble the Avengers!

Angry Boy: What, all of them?

Captain Cool: Yes, all of them.

Angry Boy: Even Ishant.

Captain Cool: Well, call him, just maybe don't leave a message if he doesn't pick up?

A little while later, the Mighty BCCI Avengers are lined up in the dressing room. Captain Cool stands before the heroes of justice to deliver a stirring speech!

Captain Cool: (sighs) So this is it then? I miss the old guys. Whatever happened to them? The Incredible Sulk. The Wall. Super Sachin. Mr Wrists. The Maharaja. Those were the days.

Angry Boy: They were too old and slow, they had to go.

Captain Cool: You should never underestimate the value of experience, Angry Boy

Angry Boy: Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, old man.

Captain Cool: Right then, Avengers. We have a dangerous mission to undertake. The West Indies will be a difficult opponent.

Angry Boy: Even though they are eighth in the ICC rankings

Captain Cool: Nevertheless, they are a formidable team of super-villains

Angry Boy: That's lower than New Zealand

Captain Cool: Thank you, Angry Boy. But I am not afraid. I've faced tougher challenges than this before. Remember when Chennai were 120 for 2 in the 47th game of IPL 4?


Captain Cool: Exactly. I stayed cool. I didn't panic. In fact, I hardly moved at all. We stuck to our plan and we went on to very nearly not lose that game.

Suresh: But what about our death bowling?

Ajinkya: Yes and what is our batting strategy? How do we approach the Powerplay?

Captain Cool: Calm yourselves, Avengers. We don't need to worry about all that. The most important thing is to stay cool. And, if things get tough, I will unleash the Mighty Frown. So are you with me, Avengers?

Avengers: We are contractually obliged to be with you.

Angry Boy: (punching his palm with his fist) Holy Challengers Bangalore! Let's do this!

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England. @hughandrews73