What is a quick bowler, really?
Cricket is full of terms. Often their meanings are hard to agree on
Andrew Simoes
25-Sep-2011
"The difference between my usage of 'bullet' and 'tracer bullet' is the same between Dravid giving the Spirit of Cricket lecture and Bishan Bedi delivering it" • AFP
Part of cricket's charm lies in its rich and highly contentious vocabulary. "Pitch" or "wicket"? "Movement" or "swing"? "Cut" or "seam"? "Howzzat" or "Aaaargh"?
In keeping with this tradition of cricket, the recently concluded India tour of England has thrown up plenty of dispute on certain fundamental cricketing terms, often overshadowing the rather one-sided cricket. We take a look at some of the most controversial angst-inducing terms:
Disgrace
Scene: Nasser Hussain and Ravi Shastri in the commentary box. Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott batting. Understandably the conversation meanders to the proper use of the word "disgrace".
Scene: Nasser Hussain and Ravi Shastri in the commentary box. Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott batting. Understandably the conversation meanders to the proper use of the word "disgrace".
Nasser Hussain: It is a disgrace that the BCCI does not accept technology.
Ravi Shastri: How can you say disgrace? Sour grapes!
NH: I have played 96 Test matches. This gives me the right to say "disgrace" whenever I want to. ESPN pay me to say "disgrace" whenever I want to.
RS: No it gives you no right to use that offensive word. I'll tell you what. a) England is jealous of the IPL b) England is jealous of BCCI's money. c) England is jealous of India's former No. 1 Test ranking.
NH: Glorious defensive stroke there by Cook. And that's the end of the over.
RS: It's 220 for no loss, in fact, 240 for 1.
Ravi Shastri: How can you say disgrace? Sour grapes!
NH: I have played 96 Test matches. This gives me the right to say "disgrace" whenever I want to. ESPN pay me to say "disgrace" whenever I want to.
RS: No it gives you no right to use that offensive word. I'll tell you what. a) England is jealous of the IPL b) England is jealous of BCCI's money. c) England is jealous of India's former No. 1 Test ranking.
NH: Glorious defensive stroke there by Cook. And that's the end of the over.
RS: It's 220 for no loss, in fact, 240 for 1.
DRS
Interpreted variously as Decision Review System and Dravid Removal System, this has polarised opinion on both sides. One of the most serious concerns raised was the potential of the system to slight players of naturally excitable character. Poor Stuart Broad has been reduced to practising this drill in the nets: hitting the batsman on the front pad, pausing mid-follow-through, scratching his head, and then deciding to Appeal or Not Appeal. And all this because he had appealed a little too enthusiastically on a couple of occasions, causing Captain Superior to wrongly go upstairs. The England team psychologist has warned that such inhibitory drills may lead to irregular behaviour. However, so far the only complaint from Broady's team-mates has been about his newly acquired and rather loudly proclaimed admiration for Franz Kafka.
Interpreted variously as Decision Review System and Dravid Removal System, this has polarised opinion on both sides. One of the most serious concerns raised was the potential of the system to slight players of naturally excitable character. Poor Stuart Broad has been reduced to practising this drill in the nets: hitting the batsman on the front pad, pausing mid-follow-through, scratching his head, and then deciding to Appeal or Not Appeal. And all this because he had appealed a little too enthusiastically on a couple of occasions, causing Captain Superior to wrongly go upstairs. The England team psychologist has warned that such inhibitory drills may lead to irregular behaviour. However, so far the only complaint from Broady's team-mates has been about his newly acquired and rather loudly proclaimed admiration for Franz Kafka.
Champions
Former South Africa Test captain Graeme Smith seemed a little miffed when asked what he thought of England's newly acquired title of Test champions. "They call themselves champions," he spat, "when in fact they are only the top-ranked side." As he walked away, muttering, the words "won only one ICC event" and "call us chokers" could be discerned.
Former South Africa Test captain Graeme Smith seemed a little miffed when asked what he thought of England's newly acquired title of Test champions. "They call themselves champions," he spat, "when in fact they are only the top-ranked side." As he walked away, muttering, the words "won only one ICC event" and "call us chokers" could be discerned.
Quick bowler
Consultation of the MCC's Spirit of Cricket handbook has revealed the presence of seven synonyms for this term. They are: "fast man", "express man", "hit-the-deck guy", "sharp man", "skiddy bowler", "brisk man", and "man who bowls a heavy ball". However, the addition of "trundler" to that list by the BCCI, followed by the unceremonious removal of all the other synonyms proved somewhat unexpected. By this new definition, the Indian attack of 2011 is greater than the West Indies attack of the 1980s. Whereas that line-up was a pace quartet and some handy replacements, this one is a ferocious pace quintet. Praveen Kumar, Munaf Patel, RP Singh, Harbhajan Singh and MS Dhoni form the core, with Sourav Ganguly close at hand, ready to exchange mike for ball.
Consultation of the MCC's Spirit of Cricket handbook has revealed the presence of seven synonyms for this term. They are: "fast man", "express man", "hit-the-deck guy", "sharp man", "skiddy bowler", "brisk man", and "man who bowls a heavy ball". However, the addition of "trundler" to that list by the BCCI, followed by the unceremonious removal of all the other synonyms proved somewhat unexpected. By this new definition, the Indian attack of 2011 is greater than the West Indies attack of the 1980s. Whereas that line-up was a pace quartet and some handy replacements, this one is a ferocious pace quintet. Praveen Kumar, Munaf Patel, RP Singh, Harbhajan Singh and MS Dhoni form the core, with Sourav Ganguly close at hand, ready to exchange mike for ball.
Spinner
Graeme Swann grandly proclaimed, not so long ago, that to be assigned this title, one had to spin the ball. However, India proved, on this tour, that such tiresome qualities are not actually required. They have had no qualms in releasing their mesmerising spin quintet on the hapless English batsmen, in the form of Harbhajan Singh, Munaf Patel, RP Singh, MS Dhoni and occasionally Praveen Kumar. All of them mystery bowlers who don't, in fact, spin the ball a single degree, in spite of whatever Andy Roberts may have to say about that.
Graeme Swann grandly proclaimed, not so long ago, that to be assigned this title, one had to spin the ball. However, India proved, on this tour, that such tiresome qualities are not actually required. They have had no qualms in releasing their mesmerising spin quintet on the hapless English batsmen, in the form of Harbhajan Singh, Munaf Patel, RP Singh, MS Dhoni and occasionally Praveen Kumar. All of them mystery bowlers who don't, in fact, spin the ball a single degree, in spite of whatever Andy Roberts may have to say about that.
Donkey
While the above five terms have been controversial, the proverbial taker of the cake is this two-syllable monstrosity. According to the dictionary, this is a chordate of the genus Asinus. According to Nasser Hussain, the word specifically points to three homo sapiens by the names of Patel, Patel and Kumar. According to all Indian cricketing pundits and half of all Indian politicians, this is a grossly offensive racist term that should be obliterated from the dictionary. And while all these venerable sources are correct in their own unique ways, the only winner is, as always, cricket. For which other sport can boast both a Donkeygate and a Monkeygate?
While the above five terms have been controversial, the proverbial taker of the cake is this two-syllable monstrosity. According to the dictionary, this is a chordate of the genus Asinus. According to Nasser Hussain, the word specifically points to three homo sapiens by the names of Patel, Patel and Kumar. According to all Indian cricketing pundits and half of all Indian politicians, this is a grossly offensive racist term that should be obliterated from the dictionary. And while all these venerable sources are correct in their own unique ways, the only winner is, as always, cricket. For which other sport can boast both a Donkeygate and a Monkeygate?
After many years of being ignored by the Indian selectors, Andrew Simoes now devotes all of his time to tweeting and blogging