Boycs, extra time and a savaged wonder

Geoff Boycott: 'This idea that umpires are always right is a load of old cobblers' © Getty Images

The thoughts of chairman Geoffrey
We took a decision not to tackle the Hair/Oval furore in this week's column on account of the saturation coverage. Most of what has been written has been fairly speculative and often couch in safe terms for fear of offending various sections of the community. But then on Saturday, good old Geoff Boycott, never a man to even get close enough to the fence to consider sitting on it, cut loose in The Daily Telegraph and it was too good to miss. On umpires: "This idea that umpires are always right is a load of old cobblers. What I want to know is: Who umpires the umpires? The players suffer from their mistakes, but no one ever seems to get rid of the umpires themselves." On Dickie Bird - who must have several clones working for him so often did he appear on TV during the week -: "Yes, he was a loony, and he made mistakes - everyone does. But he knew how to deal with people, so they respected him." On Pakistan and the hearing: "We've got to kill this thing as soon as possible because it can only do cricket harm. Pakistan are indignant right now, and if they stay that way, who knows what damage it will do to the Champions Trophy and the World Cup. If it's not sorted, it will fester like a sore." And finally, on the ICC: "All these ICC officials sitting in their tax haven in Dubai and saying the umpire's always right - that's not going to help anyone. They've got to forget about their big egos for a moment and let us move on." If Geoffrey ran things life certainly wouldn't be dull.

Home and away
Almost ignored by the media in the post-Oval brouhaha, this week saw two domestic firsts in England. On Tuesday and Thursday four countries took part in semi-finals of a Twenty20 Floodlit Knockout competition with differences. The semi-finals were, like European football competitions, played on a home and away basis. Essex went through with a 2-0 win over Susex, but Glamorgan and Derbyshire both won one game each - and so played four-overs-a-side extra time! The final in a fortnight's time will also be over two legs. Perhaps the least meaningful contest(s) also take place on the same night(s) when Glamorgan and Sussex meet in a ridiculous third-place play-off. What next? Don't rule out away runs count double in 2007.

Bill Frindall: he might be subscribing to Private Eye © Orion

Bearded shocker
In the same way we laugh at people slipping up on banana skins, there is also something fascinating in reading a bad review. But the review of Bearders: My Life In Cricket by Bill Frindall in satirical magazine Private Eye took the art of panning a book to a new high (or Frindall might understandably claim, low). "One of the most boring books every written," is one of the kinder observations, adding that Frindall is kept largely off-mike on Test Match Special because "he has almost nothing of the slightest interest to say". The savagery concludes: "It's not Frindall's fault he is dull. Most of us are, after all. But we have to blame Orion for indulging his delusions, almost certainly with cheques. Cricket publishing is the poorer for it, and so will anyone who buys this unfortunate book." Which might raise concerns about whether our own in-house reviewer, Will Luke, who enthused that it was "engaging, charming and it is mostly a thoroughly interesting read", actually read it.

Lights, camera, action
Anyone who has seen sportsmen try to act will verify that it's usually a fairly painful experience. So news that Sachin Tendulkar and Brian Lara will feature alongside former Miss Universe Sushmita Sen in a Bollywood movie - Dulha Mil Gaya - that will be part-filmed in Trinidad later this year was greeted with less than wild enthusiasm. Vivek Vaswani, one of the producers of the film, said: "I decided to make two movies in your country, the first one will begin in November and the second will follow. Trinidad and Tobago will be a new location for Bollywood movies." A number of cricketers have previously tried their hand in films, perhaps the most wooden being Len Hutton in the 1953 classic The Final Test. Undoubtedly the most successful was C Aubrey Smith, the Sussex and England bowler who went on to make 70 films and was knighted for his services to movies.

Percy Sonn: a man out of his depth? © Getty Images

Sonn sung blue
Percy Sonn's tenure as ICC president was always going to be difficult considering his colourful and well-documented past. But even he has had a tough baptism, with teams fleeing Sri Lanka and now the Hair affair. But worryingly for cricket generally, he has hardly come across well so far. In the press conference at the end of his fact-finding trip to Zimbabwe he was described by one experienced local journalist as being "out of his depth" and it is said he had to be "rescued by Malcolm Speed". And in London on Friday, Sonn again badly misjudged the mood. After Speed had efficiently outlined the remarkable events, Sonn started off on a ramble, presumably with the intention of being amusing, about his first six weeks in office. It badly misjudged the gravity of the situation. Speed also had to step in at one point to rescue Sonn from some tough questioning, and it was noticeable that Speed and not Sonn did the rounds of the media in the 24 hours after the revelation of Hair's offer. It's early days, but Sonn has to get up to speed (or should that be Speed) pretty quickly if he is to make people take him seriously and forget the baggage he brought with him to Dubai.

Song sung blue
Sussex, meanwhile, won the last C&G final on Saturday, beating Lancashire in a thrilling final. And if a press release sent out by a local firm who, if the blurb is to be believed, have fitted out the entire pavilion at Hove with a sound system akin to that used by The Rolling Stones on tour, their success is down to ... music. At the forefront of the revolution is Matt Prior, the DJ. "Top motivational tunes the players listen to before a match include the Rocky soundtrack, Johnny Cash, Robbie Williams, Kanye West, The Killers and an Al Pacino speech from the film Any Given Sunday." The release also details the players' favourite songs, Most are the usual inspid fare, but we have to name and shame Luke Wright who lists a Westlife tune as his choice. He should be drummed out of the game immediately. And does Tim Linley really love Ernie - The Fastest Milkman In The West by Ernie Hill more than anything else?

It's in the timing
The PR timing gaff of the season came on Monday from Connectv Cricket, a slight bizarre new product which seems to involve hurling a ball at your TV screen or using a bat wired to it to smack a virtual ball round your living room. Less than 48 hours after the premature and controversial end to the Oval Test, a gushing press release land on journalists' desks which started: "With the Test series against Pakistan going so well ...". Seemed like a safe bet at the time of writing, but, to be fair, their efforts worked as we've just mentioned the product ...