Okay, we've all heard of the media glare, but the fashion statement is okay for the first half of the match. Surely you're joking, Ms Zinta and Mr Mallya, when you say the floodlights need to be dimmer?
The picture of restraint and good behaviour. Frankly, it's disgusting.
Also, that the use of "SRK" may set a precedent for PZ, VM, SS and MA in the future - figure those out yourselves.
A tailor-made case study, no doubt, for the optimisation-techniques classes.
Fielders spinning on their heels at point? Dubious dugout disguises? Multiple vice-captains? Why haven't they brought them on?
Two Royals and two Kings. We said it last year, we'll say it again: why does everything have to be regal?
Coming soon to a medical store near you.
Every run in the game should have a sponsor name plastered across it. Slamsung singles, Thumps up threes, Franta fours.
So this is how seats are filled. But regardless of how many packs of flour or biscuits you buy, you can be sure it won't be you that's winging your way to the Cape.
Judhajit Basu is a senior sub-editor at Cricinfo