Fielders of dreams

Where are the new Lillees and Waqars? Whither the next Warne, Healy or Richards? Will we ever again witness an opener as gritty as Lawry, as patient as Boycott, as correct as Gavaskar?

These are just some of the despairing wails regularly heard from the cognoscenti. And yes, even those with a PhD in contrariness would be hard-pressed to offer much reassurance that all our tomorrows will be as rich in cricketing quality as all our yesterdays and todays. Then again, just as Ian Healy all but banished memories of Alan Knott, and Gower, Murali, Kallis and Ambrose trumped Graveney, Bedi, Botham and Roberts respectively, predictions of this ilk have a habit of coming back to give our self-appointed soothsayers all sorts of bite-sized impressions in the backside. Indeed, Michael Hussey’s quest to out-Bradman Bradman may yet deliver the biggest chewing-out of all.

There is, however, one department of expertise for which claiming that we’ve never had it so good is entirely justifiable, incontrovertibly so. I refer, of course, to fielding. In today’s Twenty20 international came evidence afresh of the peaks of practice now being scaled. Jeetan Patel’s one-handed leap at backward point to gobsmack Adam Gilchrist and the keeper’s own airborne parry and swallow dive to stun Jamie How were both efforts, to steal shamelessly from Steely Dan’s Deacon Blues, that staggered the mind. Such gems, sadly, are never given their full due either on the scorecard or in databases, and are now so routine we tend to forget them inside a week.

Which seems an enormous pity, not to mention a vast injustice. In Major League Baseball, after all, each fielding position (including pitchers) boasts an annual Golden Glove award. Not that cricket’s closest cousin stops there in its appreciation of athleticism. A highlight of ESPN’s nightly round-up is the “Web Gems” segment, slices of hand-eye-leg coordination that defy gravity, probability and even reason. Fielders are credited with “assists” and “putouts”. Seasonal tallies are religiously maintained and quoted, efficiency percentages calculated. The Colorado Rockies’ march to the World Series in October sent jaws diving floorwards, but the fact that they had recorded the closest to a flawless campaign in the field the game had ever seen was soon being touted as the key stat. And those lucky beggars get to wear gloves the size of woks.

Isn’t it about time cricket followed suit? But how? Well, for starters, why not nominate a fielder for every major position, to be inducted into the FICA Hall of Fame forthwith? For what it’s worth, I’ll start the ball rolling with the following, entirely personal selection, based solely on those I had the good fortune to see rather than read about:

Wicketkeeper: Ian Healy

Slip: Mark Waugh

Gully: Joel Garner

Leg-slip: Garry Sobers

Short-leg: David Boon

Cover: Derek Randall

Backward Point: Jonty Rhodes

Outfielder: Andrew Symonds

All-Rounder: Roger Harper

The next step is to implement annual awards, voted for by the players themselves – best outfielder, best cover, strongest arm, surest slip, gutsiest/pottiest short leg…I’ll leave it to your imaginative suggestions. For now, I’ll content myself with some modest proposals:

Least Pointless Backward Point: Paul Collingwood

Least Slipshod Slip: Mahela Jayawardene

Handiest Gloveman: Prasanna Jayawardene

Laser Gunner: Andrew Symonds

Last Man To Chance Anything, Ever, To: Andrew Symonds