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Get jiggy wid' it

Eight ways the atmosphere at Lord's could be improved for World Twenty20 matches

Alex Bowden
A fan yawns while sitting through a rain break, Australia v New Zealand, Chappell-Hadlee Trophy, Sydney, December 16, 2007

Spectators pointedly make a case for alarm clocks  •  AFP

Implement a change of dress policy
Specifically, ban blazers. There is no garment more guaranteed to quash unbridled glee than the blazer. It's a sartorial handbrake to raucousness.
Wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube men in MCC attire
Nothing brings joy to a human heart quite like one of those bizarre inflatable figures you get outside car showrooms and the like, which flail about in the breeze with arms aloft. Put an MCC tie around their necks to provide a sense of history.
Alarm clocks under the seats
Watching cricket is only the second most popular activity in the Tavern Stand, but a gentle afternoon snooze is not conducive to a good sporting atmosphere. Alarm clocks should sound approximately every 20 minutes to keep people attentive. With clever timings, it may be possible to instigate a Mexican wave if many sleepers rise in shock as one.
Red and yellow striped foam hands
The members would surely be proud to wave aloft novelty, oversized foam fingers in MCC colours, sporting slogans such as "KP is #1".
Rebrand the Grace Gates
Make them the DisGrace Gates, ensuring all supporters enter the ground in the right frame of mind. Flashing lights and music are the bare minimum. The gates themselves could be altered to give the impression that they are an entry hatch into a spaceship or something.
Instead of ringing the bell to announce the start of play, sound a klaxon
Or better still, play "The Final Countdown" by Europe and then sound a klaxon. Everyone will be up for the cricket then - if only because they'll all be elated that "The Final Countdown" by Europe is over and done with.
Have a champagne cork-firing contest during the innings break
So many champagne bottles opened; so much potential entertainment wasted. As well as a distance competition, there should be a separate competition for accuracy to better test skills honed during decades of watching Test cricket.
Warm up the crowd with some pre-match celebrity zorbing
Zorbing - rolling down a hill in an oversized hamster ball - would make great use of the famed Lord's slope. It may not be all that steep, but get some suitably unpopular celebrities inside the plastic spheres and the crowd will revel in watching them go end-over-end - even if it is at a snail's pace.

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket