Life in a superpower

India's tremendous ascent to superpower status fuelled by nationalistic vigour was in evidence last fortnight when the legendary allrounder Kapil Dev emitted the iconic rallying cry, "If one tells me pasta is good for me, I may not agree," but is anyone trying to assess the psycho-sociological impact the elevation has had on the masses? Has anyone bothered to consider how the new superpower-era age is ripping asunder the traditional manner?

When The Scoop undertook its empirical study it was shocked by the level of trauma caused to the Indian psyche. It encountered a nation squirming with anxiety, it found a people desperately trying to cling to their own way of things, it witnessed first-hand the worries of joint families who no longer were assured of the opportunity to participate in stampedes, of security ranks who wondered if they would still be permitted lengthy lathi charges.

In short, Kapil Dev, Paaji to millions, was correct when he posited that, "We need our base to be strong. We are brought up that way. Even in other walks of life, Indians were not very amenable to change."

Journalists, The Scoop's examination revealed, were the most affected community. With stealthy work during the Champions Trophy, The Scoop unearthed solid evidence of India's stride into the new age. ICC media releases from the first two weeks of the tournament had contained telephone numbers for media managers for each of the participating countries except India, against which it simply stated: "contact the BCCI".

However, by the third week the name and working telephone number of 'Rajan Nayar, media manager' had replaced it, even if with a spelling error in the surname of Mr Nair. Concerned journalists could not help feeling that soon there would be no one left to blame.

A number of scribes tried to shake off their melancholy by sharing their favourite traditional memories with The Scoop. One grizzled hack fondly recalled falling clean through the floor of the Baroda press-box which had caved in with the weight of family members of officials.

Another reminisced about the time he was slapped, punched and finally kicked in the groin by a policeman while collecting his accreditation pass at Kolkata's historic Eden Gardens. A bald lensman wistfully harked back to the match at Kanpur's Green Park which was abandoned after three fielders were lost in the extremely long grass at deep fine-leg. A lady photographer talked of the day that she fainted as a river of poo burst upon her on opening a toilet door at Ahmedabad's Motera Stadium, following which officials tried to revive her with trays of warm carrot salad.

Hearing the traditional stories pour forth, The Scoop was compelled to marvel once again at the acuity of the Haryana Hurricane's observation that, "We don't change our bases readily for better jobs and higher salary."

The sense of dislocation was not restricted to Indians alone for, even though, as Paaji rightly claimed, Indians think differently from Americans, Australians and Europeans, the charm of pre-superpower Indian cricket embraced the entire Commonwealth.

For instance, The Scoop found that England cricketers were of the gloomy suspicion that in the superpower-age they would be more liable to accrue SUVs at post-match presentations than the water-purifiers that came their way at the warm-up game in Mumbai on the 2001-02 tour.

Seeing the grievance of so many communities, The Scoop sought some historical perspective on the unprecedented wave of nationalism that propelled India this far. The tipping point came with the publication of former foreign coach John Wright's book, when sections of the nation - from the tour manager who slipped in scores of cricketers from his region under the coach's door, to the tour manager who stole players' shirts, to the tour manager who lost the squad's meal allowance - united as one in feeling offended.

Thus, led by an entourage of ex-tour-managers, did the fight against imperialism and the journey to superpowerdom begin. Top Indian cricket officials then began referring to the ICC as the East India Company.

Finally, Kapil Paaji took the movement to the masses by providing them the damning statistic that, "Almost 99 per cent of experiments are done on whites but they are applied indiscriminately on us." It was clear to all that India would not take things lying down, that India were not one to mess with, that India had arrived.

Rahul Bhattacharya, before he began urgently fabricating breaking news stories for The Scoop, wrote Pundits from Pakistan: On tour with India, 2003-04