Plug it in, throw it out

"Demoralising hunk of junk". That's how a friend summed up this game. Mind you, he was 0 for 8 against Zimbabwe at the time.

It would be unfair to write off any game after only half an hour of play-time, and cricket games are, after all, notorious for taking a while to get to grips with, but generally rewarding when you do.

Unfortunately Connectv Cricket bucks this trend, mainly due to its complete lack of realism, quite a major slip up for a product whose main promise is 'realistic batting and bowling'. Its failure to produce a playable game is doubly disappointing because, done well, the idea is such an exciting one, guaranteed to appeal to any cricket lover.

The premise involves swinging the game's plastic bat, and bowling its ball just like you would in the middle, with the motions picked up by the extra sensitive sensors in the central, wicket-shaped unit, and relayed to your television, connected via video and sound sockets on your TV or video. The result, theoretically, is a realistic simulation of your shot, or ball on your television screen. So far so good. In practice, however, things are not so rosy...

After several futile attempts to get to grips with the controls, badly under explained in the handbook, I couldn't wait to switch over to Sky. But I persevered, and for a moment it was worth it. How my heart raced when, after four overs, with England sitting pretty on 0 for 5, my alter ego K. Potterson (no they couldn't afford real names) actually connected with the ball for the first time and it rocketed to the fence.

The sheer emotion of the moment was tempered somewhat by the realisation that, as the ball sped through the vacant midwicket region, I was still leaning, a la Viv Richards, on a languid cover drive. It didn't get any better, with a perfectly timed reverse-sweep cannoning to square-leg just one of the bizarre interpretations of the bat swing that the simulator came up with.

Bowling is just as difficult and, with none of the satisfaction that comes from hitting a boundary, it is arduous and sweaty work - not to mention difficult. The first 32 deliveries yielded 32 no balls and 132 profanities. Supposedly the speed of motion in the bowling action is replicated on screen, but this is utterly impractical as the ball is connected by wire to the stump, and any considerable movement of the ball pulls the stump with it.

It was a poor start. "Bring back Boswell", cried the crowd. © Sam Collins

This disrupts the batsman, who is already standing far too close to the bowler for either of them to function properly. Two-player games soon come to resemble a sort of electronic Twister with the wires binding you to your opponent. This would be ideal if your adversary were a busty blonde but is less so when it's your mate, in this case a 16-stone, sweating behemoth.

The rest of the features on the game are at best basic. The music is bearable only when muted and the game relies on graphics that would not look out of place on the original Nintendo consoles. This would be forgivable if the game-play stood up to the test but it quite simply does not.

After a couple of hours' play other problems emerged. I began to develop a dull ache in my left wrist, caused presumably by my countless agricultural swipes through the leg side, Alec Stewart-style, with a bat that is far too light to properly replicate the real thing. I began to sympathise with Mark Butcher over the wrist problems that effectively ended his England career, perhaps he was asked to test the Connectv prototype...

It is difficult to find a single positive in this game, apart from perhaps if you are Canadian, when you can play as your national team. Fantastic. Connectv Cricket's slogan is 'Get off the couch and up to the crease', and if the target audience is indeed those who have never left their sofa then this game is certainly not going to shift them!

There the problem lies for Connectv Cricket. I have been 0 for 8 on Brian Lara Cricket, EA Cricket 2005 and countless others, yet I have always come back to them. The desire has always been there, to conquer Zimbabwe, then New Zealand, then Australia, the uncontrollable addiction that keeps you up till 3am batting in the nets when sane people have long been sound-asleep.

But there is nothing about this game that makes me want to lose sleep over it, let alone spend £40 on it. Put simply it is not very good. I would rather watch TV, or, whisper it, go outside and play some real cricket.