'Fancy a game in Japan on the way home?'

This column very rarely focuses on the cricket itself because despite promising to offer you an insight into the lives of professional sportsmen, all Twitter really seems to deliver is news about what they have been eating and exposure to their nauseating attempts at "banter". However, it's hard to ignore England's World Cup exit.

Or is it? In the immediate aftermath of their defeat to Bangladesh, the players were strikingly quiet. Other than an apology from Ravi Bopara - who didn't even play in this tournament - no one had much to say.

In the absence of the players, Jonathan Agnew was reduced to talking to animals about the defeat.

—

Two other English pundits opted for thinly veiled jibes at the current management team.

—

—

Meanwhile, other teams were lining up to get a game.

—

However, Alviro Petersen had this piece of philosophy to impart to those indulging in a little schadenfreude.

—

That other great philosopher of our times, Saqlain Mushtaq, was offering counselling services.

—

What kind of thing might they expect from him?

—

In many ways, England's World Cup was a moral victory then.

England's cricketers weren't the only ones letting their nation down, however. Now that Australia and New Zealand contest the Chappell-Hadlee Trophy via any old match they happen to be playing, it makes sense that they don't even limit it to a particular sport.

—

And New Zealanders aren't the only ones Doull is disappointing.

—

Oh no, sorry, that wasn't Simon. It was some woman called Simone.

A welcome return for Kemar Roach this week with more lessons in humility.

—

What he really means is that being around him should make everyone else feel humble.

—

Everyone has a dominant side to their body, but Dimuth Karunaratne appears to have something beyond that. Ever seen Idle Hands?

—

Finally, from hands to arms. Continuing the recent tradition of this column ending on a note of sophistication, Glenn Maxwell's been answering questions.

—

Maybe he'd been eating protein pancakes.