Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket
Social media's supposed to be all about cat pictures.
But that's pretty much the only one that's ever qualified for this column, so let's crack on with the usual business of making fun of Kevin Pietersen.
Taken in isolation, that's ambiguous, but we know what he means by now. For some reason Kevin Pietersen is petrified that you won't comprehend just how much he likes coffee.
We really feel like we're missing something with KP's coffee-related Twitter output. Is it some sort of cry for help?
Like KP, Shane Warne is unafraid of repeating himself. He clearly thinks that if something's worth saying, it's worth saying three times.
This is the kind of lofty message he feels he needs to drive home.
June 2015, April 2016 and October 2016. The gaps are shortening. The references are coming more frequently. It feels a little like we can chart Warne's mental well-being by this, but we're not entirely sure what we should conclude.
If KP's hotel experiences this week have seemingly just revolved around the drinking of coffee, Jimmy Neesham's have been less straightforward.
We're also going to assume that Test Match Special's Charles Dagnall was in a hotel for this exciting moment.
This development was unexpected too.
The following is less surprising, except insofar as it's been a while since this particular restaurant got a mention. New theory: it was only the previous generation of cricketers who were so obsessed with Nando's.
We mustn't judge.
Trite! That's our instant, knee-jerk response to that.
Wrong form of transport, but you have to forgive him.
We've all had one of those 12-seater bus moments, after all.
Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about air travel.
At least he can pretty much guarantee that he'll always be able to get a coffee at the airport. Maybe that realisation is what later led him to embrace air travel.
Join us in a fortnight when we'll hopefully be able to bring you more of KP's innovative airline rating criteria.