'Honoured to be among the great doctors of our time: Who, Zhivago, Dre'
Yes, but we know by now that nothing's gonna stop you doing so - now or ever.
Shane can't help himself. He's just a fun-loving guy. Who could ever have more fun than Shane?
Well, imagine if fun-loving Afghanistan got together with the fun-loving West Indies. Imagine what that would be like. Imagine the fun.
That's right. The fun happens on the cricket field. Off the field everyone just lounges around staring at their phones.
Sourav Ganguly wants a piece of that phone-staring action, though. He hasn't been on Twitter for a while. Where's he been?
Speaking of the word "lost", Mitchell Johnson showed himself to be a pundit you didn't want to rely on either side of Australia's defeat to India.
Didn't pan out that way again, did it?
Wrong and wrong.
Professional pundits are of course rather different. They rarely make outlandish predictions lest they lose some of their dignified sheen.
Look at Danny Morrison, for example - the very definition of dignity and serenity.
And for anyone who suspected those sorts of staccato stylings were, in fact, a parody, the man has proof that they are not.
Confirmation there that he really does write the way he speaks.
Meanwhile, Morrison's fellow Kiwi commentator Simon Doull had bigger concerns this week.
But back to that India win over Australia. Considering it was such a fantastic innings, not many people had anything interesting to say about Virat Kohli's innings. Murali Kartik was one exception - although the saying he came up with wasn't the catchiest saying he came up with.
Meanwhile, basking in the warm glow of victory, Rohit Sharma thought that this would really capture the moment.
Sadly, the glory days didn't last for India. In fact downcast fans of all nations might now find themselves turning to the great philosophers of our time to find some peace.
You know, people like Kevin Pietersen.
You wonder what inspires these nuggets of wisdom.
But KP's not the only one turning his mind to higher things. Shane Watson has also reached a higher state of consciousness.
Meanwhile, England are still in the tournament so they're spurning deep thinking in favour of this kind of thing.
Finally, and irrelevantly, remember how Stuart Broad became an Honorary Doctor of Laws?
You'd think a doctor would comprehend daylight savings time, though.
Are you not allowed out of the office until 5pm or something, Stu? Couldn't you have just got up an hour earlier prior to the clocks changing?
Perhaps he stays up too late, mucking about with his phone and singing along to Starship.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket