The Heavy Ball

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The week on Twitter

'Don't hate what u can't imitate'

Copious quantities of fried chicken are served gratis with this week's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden

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Pat Cummins walks back to his mark, Essex v Australians, Tour match, Chelmsford, June 26, 2012
Set an apostrophe wrong and he'll smash your teeth in © Getty Images

The exception
As an Englishman, I have never once liked an Australian fast bowler for even a fraction of a second.

"Nothing I hate more than when 'to' and 'too' are used incorrectly."
@93Cummins (Pat Cummins)

Until now! You tell 'em, Pat. Where do you stand on "should of"?

The infiltrators
James Franklin was surprised by the clientele at his favourite tourist attraction.

"Absolute chaos at Legoland today, seems everyone has decided to bring their kids today"

First the playgrounds and now this. Is there nowhere you can go these days which isn't overrun by children?

The charity match
There was a Jimmy Anderson benefit match this week. Graeme Swann had a memorable experience.

"I got Timmy Mallet out today, caught second slip. The actual Timmy Mallet. He then had me caught at deep mid wicket by a 7 yr old. #topthat"

One for UK readers in their thirties there. Sorry, everyone else.

The father
Iain O'Brien had a great week.

"This time yesterday - the happiest I have ever been seeing a penis. It's a boy!"

When was the second happiest occasion when you've seen one?

The warm-up
The summer has been a wet one in the UK. Stuart Broad has been carefully monitoring the skies, primed for action.

"Its not raining. Sprinting to the outdoor nets!"

You've got to make the most of what you get. It's doubtful the skies were still clear when he arrived at his destination.

The film review
Rob Key watched This Means War. Tell us all about it, Rob.

"This means war. Is a very bad film"

Duly noted.

Nando's Watch
County cricketers really do lack inspiration when it comes to going out for food. Is there some sort of national sponsorship deal in place here?


"Just sat in Nandos listening to @dmalan29 tell me about how good looking he is. Voted best looking afrikana in north london."
@finnysteve (Steven Finn)


"Travelling done, nets done, nando's done. Time to peruse the shops #dangerous"
@Smeaker18 (Stuart Meaker)


"The foxes loving the discount at Nando's"
@Hoggy602 (Matthew Hoggard)

Discount? Is that a special cricketers' discount?

And are cricketers still "smashing" their food instead of eating it?

"Smashing a burger or two for some fuel to go the distance at brinkleys with @scottbstyris then piano bar .. #gripitandripit"
@hershybru (Herschelle Gibbs)

Sounds like it.

"Gone for a solo lunch 2day. Actually quite nice as I can devote all my attentions to demolishing some chicken."
@Jwd_16 (Jade Dernbach)

Demolition. Is that a step up or down from smashing? Daresay I know where the chicken was from though.

The fine dining
Amid all this Nando-smashing, at least Graeme Swann's taking the time to enjoy some quality meals.

"I'm going to have a toasted baked bean sandwich for dinner with a cup of Earl Grey. Pikey meets posh. #livingthedream"

That's the spirit.

Tino Best's modesty corner
"Don't hate what u can't Imitate #KeepItReal"

Does this give impressionists more room for manoeuvre?

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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