Jarrod Kimber
It's not Pat Howard's fault
"I'm sorry Australia but test match has very quickly slipped away! I wonder how many test matches Pat Howard played in India @warne888," said Damien Martyn on Twitter
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
"I'm sorry Australia but test match has very quickly slipped away! I wonder how many test matches Pat Howard played in India @warne888," said Damien Martyn as @Dmartyn30 on Twitter.
In case you were wondering Pat Howard, Cricket Australia's general manager of team performance, has played no Test Matches in India. Rugby Union, the sport Pat Howard played, is not that popular in India. But had Pat Howard played Test cricket in India, would Australia have had a better day today?
Hugh Morris, England's managing director, also never played Test cricket in India. His three Tests were all in England. But unlike you or me, and most importantly Pat, he knows Test cricket.
Full postBatman smashes batsman
Caleb Martin knows his cricket. Why else would the NZC ask him to toss the coin in the second ODI between New Zealand and England?
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
Caleb Martin knows his cricket. Why else would the NZC ask him to toss the coin in the second ODI between New Zealand and England? That's why when Caleb, 11, said, "Ross should still be captain. They should bring Jesse Ryder back too," you know it came from a learned mind.
Sadly for Caleb, and all right-thinking cricket fans, Jesse is not back, and fans of ODI series that have little meaning in life will have to just enjoy the fact that KP is around. Or you can just do what people do anytime England play an ODI series, blame Jonathan Trott for the losses, and abuse him during the wins.
Johnson Charles has recently been really really good. Charles has made actual international hundreds in his last two innings. Now, for a guy who used to professionally play and miss for a living, this is a huge thing. Charles bats as if he's in the middle of a sizzurp high, but first Australia and now Zimbabwe have felt the wrath of the Johnson as he continually slapped them around the head.
Full postThe Jim ban
Jesse Ryder is back. This week he hit the winning runs for the blackcaps (BLACKCAPS) in a backyard cricket game for some TV show I have unsurprisingly never heard of
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
They lied to us. Jesse Ryder is back. This week he hit the winning runs for the blackcaps (BLACKCAPS) in a backyard cricket game for some TV show I have unsurprisingly never heard of. Although that news was overshadowed by the biggest news of the week: Steven Finn has shortened his run up by five metres. FIVE METRES.
Finn and his team-mates managed to overcome the kiwis, despite being massively underpaid according to the English players' union. Unions, which generally suggest their members are overpaid, said that the Jaguar-driving England team should be getting more from their ECB overlords. And the union has a point when you look at how much money the ECB makes. But the players all make more than most of us could steal, so they will have to make do with muted applause for winning a three-match T20 series.
There is not enough money in the world to give to Saeed Ajmal right now. His bowling performance against South Africa was Steve Davis-defying. Although it was nearly overshadowed by Vernon Philander's one millionth five-wicket haul and the always* entertaining chats about DRS.
Full postSwollen fatherhood
The IPL tried to put a price tag on the priceless this week. Only $260,000 for Jesse Ryder? His wrists are worth more than that on their own
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
The IPL tried to put a price tag on the priceless this week. Only $260,000 for Jesse Ryder? His wrists are worth more than that on their own. Glenn Maxwell went for $1 million. In what world is Jesse Ryder one-quarter of a Glenn Maxwell? Even accounting for the fact that Ryder is not a Victorian.
Yet despite all the dump trucks of cash the IPL earns, the Indian women's team lacked professionalism and could not qualify for the Super Sixes of the Women's World Cup. Many in powerful positions don't consider women's cricket a real form of cricket and the BCCI don't embarrass easily. Neither was there any rioting in the streets or reports of effigies being burned.
Well, they are all fools, and a country as inspired by cricket (and as rich from it) should not be missing out on the Super Sixes stage of a tournament with a largely amateur set up. For the price of one Glenn Maxwell, India could become a powerhouse in women's cricket. Mind you, they did lose to Sri Lanka, which is fast becoming the thing to do in women's cricket.
Full postMeeting cricket's power couple
There was probably a time last weekend when you started crying uncontrollably; you didn't know why, it just hit you
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
There was probably a time last weekend when you started crying uncontrollably; you didn't know why, it just hit you. A tsunami of human emotion just swept your body into a cave of dark thoughts. I suppose to divert yourself from your terrible mood, you go searching for your smart phone, and then staring you straight in the face is the news that affected you so much.
Jesse Ryder has decided not to come back to international cricket. He and his people have suggested that, given that he is only seven months into his planned 12 month sabbatical, he should continue his personal goal development.
Cricket will have to wait for its world to be complete, as will you and I.
Full postA disgrace no more
Outside of the semi-professional ranks of England, Australia and New Zealand, women's cricket is a disgrace. Almost every team is a minnow
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
Outside of the semi-professional ranks of England, Australia and New Zealand, women's cricket is a disgrace. Almost every team is a minnow. South Africa should be disgusted at the lack of funds and professionalism its women team has. India is allowing its women's cricket to dry up. West Indies have only started taking it seriously since two players showed talent. Pakistan should be promoting heroes in all walks of life. And when we are constantly told that Bangladesh is cricket crazy, where are their women?
The ICC hasn't been good enough on this either.
Paying the women less per diems at the World Twenty20 was wrong, and sent a terrible message. The organisation of this tournament has been amateur. And why hasn't the ICC forced all countries to turn their women's teams into professional outfits. No Test playing nation should receive any revenue from ICC tournaments if they do not intend to use at least five percent of it on women's cricket.
Full postWe can wait, Jesse
Aaron Klee is Jesse Ryder's manager. That is not like being Mike Hussey or AB de Villiers' manager. It comes with special tasks
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
Aaron Klee is Jesse Ryder's manager. That is not like being Mike Hussey or AB de Villiers' manager. It comes with special tasks. This week he had to write a detailed e-mail explaining why one of the most talented batsman ever born in New Zealand, who has been picking up domestic attacks and tossing them like chicken wings, won't be coming back to international cricket.
"What?
Jesse has decided that he's not ready to return to the Blackcaps yet."
Full postMagic Rain Stops Play
Sure it was only a pointless three-match ODI series against a team missing Philander, Amla, De Villiers and Steyn
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
Sure it was only a pointless three-match ODI series against a team missing Philander, Amla, De Villiers and Steyn. But the Kiwis won it. And they did it missing JESSE RYDER. That's like running a marathon without your heart, lungs and quadriceps.
They were also missing Taylor, Vettori, Southee and Ronchi. I mean, they don't even know what Ronchi is yet. Yet, they beat what was left of South Africa without them. Look, it's the first win of their entire existence in South Africa, I don't care if they were playing an entire team of Derek Crookes and Nicky Bojes, this is a big deal for New Zealand. New Zealand are roadkill in South Africa, they only go over because people make them. But they won, and that was great.
If I was a rich Kiwi, I would have hired kids to walk the streets yelling: "Extra! Extra! The Blackcaps win in South Africa! I know, weird isn't it?" They've created an amazing historic event in an ODI series people forgot as they were watching it. Mike Hesson should have a Peter Jackson film named after him. Not bad taste.
Full postBailey's Burgers Are Better
This week Jesse Ryder made the news not just for his mega-wicked 46 from 17 balls and two wickets that put Wellington into the final of some tournament, but because he may be back
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
This week Jesse Ryder made the news not just for his mega-wicked 46 from 17 balls and two wickets that single-handedly (with some help from other hands) put Wellington into the final of some tournament, but because he may be back. Back, really back, not just Wellington and IPL back.
Jesse has a meeting with Magic Mike Hesson. That's pretty rad, isn't it kids? Jesse's maternal manager, Aaron Klee, was quick to douse the flames of this comeback against England. But, let's be honest, this meeting means that Jesse is at the very least looking for something a bit more substantial to dine on than New Zealand domestic cricket where he destroys daily like a Kiwi Godzilla stomping on attacks and breathing death rays onto unsuspecting batsmen.
The problem with all this is that Jesse's meeting is with Hesson, and well, who knows if Hesson will stay. Hesson was under attack from everyone this week, even including those who were trying to help him. John Buchanan (who must officially be the luckiest man to be employed in world cricket) tried to defend Hesson's coaching by saying, "He's a young coach, he's learning." The work experience coach is probably exactly how Hesson wants to be known at the moment.
Full postMargaret the match fixer
Jesse Ryder took 9 wickets for 30 runs in a stunning spell of bowling in a dream I had this week. He was swinging it both ways like a bowler in Allan Border's Cricket
Jarrod Kimber
25-Feb-2013
Jesse Ryder took 9 wickets for 30 runs in a stunning spell of bowling in a dream I had this week. He was swinging it both ways like a bowler in Allan Border's Cricket. It was brilliant, but not real.
To wake up from that dream and find out that Paul Harris had retired from all forms of cricket was a mighty comedown. Harris, who you may remember from an action that was bowling's version of botulism, served South Africa well for a man without any discernible skill.
He was disagreeable aesthetically, and often in personality, and yet Paul Harris played in one of the best bowling attacks on earth. He is an example of what gritty single-minded determination and a lack of self-awareness can do for you. He will not be missed, but it is kind of cool he ever existed in the first place.
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