The Surfer

Cricket may be the oldest of ball games - indeed the English County Championship was the template for the English Football League - but as a truly international sport it is a mere child when compared with others, not much more than a couple of decades old. Before then, cricket revolved around the Ashes series between England and Australia. Many of the greats of English cricket never played a Test in the subcontinent because B teams were sent between 1934 and 1976. Nigel Howard has the unique record of having played for England only as captain in India. As for Australia, they were so dismissive of their neighbour, New Zealand, that after touring there in 1946 their next visit was in the 70s. Essentially, India, Pakistan and New Zealand made up the B league, tolerated but not important.

It seems to me that England are being put forward to be sacrificed, in a purely cricketing sense, in the name of what is best not for the game but for the money men. And for the ECB who, since Giles Clarke became chairman, have found themselves being increasingly out-manouvered by India on just about every major cricketing issue. This, surely, is their way of clawing back lost ground, of getting back in Modi's good books in the hope of attracting Indian players to the new English Premier League in 2010, a commercial necessity, and clearing the path of England's players to the Indian Premier League next April. Not to mention the ECB's hopes of getting a share of the vast television fortunes on offer if and when the Champions League eventually gets off the ground.

After a tour of bitterness and rancor, the player heavily involved in the hullabaloo hires an experienced ghost writer and instructs him to be as ruthless as possible.

"Find me a good quote which will make the front page of leading dailies in Australia and around the cricketing world," he instructs his ghost.

"But I gave you a nice one for your Diary last year," suggests the ghost. "Do as you are told," the star hits back.

“I have seen life in a one-bedroom flat with four brothers and three sisters sharing space. There were times I used to go for practice without money to even buy a bus ticket. I have seen my brothers and parents struggle to make ends meet. All that made me more determined, it made me sweat extra hours because I knew if I made it big in cricket, I could fulfill my responsibility towards my family."

For this the players, who were described as fainthearts on one famously august editorial page when they returned home for their week-long agonising about what to do, deserve a word of gratitude, if not garlands of flowers in streets of the troubled land they vacated so sharply.

Cast in bronze, he sat still and silent beside the white picket fence under the imposing stand that has replaced The Hill. Hat tilted at a rakish angle, hand providing a foghorn for his mouth, the old rabbitoh watched impassively as the cricketers went through their paces. Although capable of taking most things in his stride, Yabba might have been startled to hear his praises sung by politicians, army chiefs and descendants but he'd have enjoyed the yellowed pictures and re-enactments that brought the ceremony to life.

Chris Martin dropped when he is running into form, Aaron Redmond passed over after getting within touching distance of a century against Australia at Adelaide.

Yet in cricket, a batsman who merely shakes his head (sometimes almost imperceptibly) after getting another roughie from the umpire is charged for dissent, fined and sometimes even banned! Never mind the fact that the ball was missing a second set!

And if a bowler even points a finger to the pavilion, guiding the dismissed batsman back to his seat, he is hit with a Level 1 offence and a fine of up to half of his match fee. What’s so vile about a quick send-off? To me, that’s good TV!