The Surfer

"I saw out of the corner of my other eye that Michael Holding was making tracks in my direction and was 10 inches away from me when he booted all the stumps out of the ground."

The fresh-faced cricketer speaks of his wizened seniors with respect but eyes his position and status with envy. Australia's band of opening batsmen with an eye on a trip to South Africa or the Ashes seems to grow every day. Their braying increases with every faltering Test partnership.

“Take your PlayStations and your DVDs” was the advice given to this newspaper on Tuesday by a security adviser milking the situation for all it was worth, “because you will not be going out of your hotel of an evening.” If he had his way, you suspect body doubles, lookalikes and food tasters would need to be provided before he deemed it safe to go. Mind you, in Australia two winters ago a member of the England team was seen going to collect his laundry with a security guard in tow. Practise, play, room service; practise, play, room service. It is not much of a way to play cricket - not much of a way to live.

Take note of who the protected species is here. Who has been safely quarantined from any discussion of the merits of "guys who are going to be able to give you more in different conditions"? Who's immune? Batsmen, that's who.

In eight years with Victoria, Klinger made two centuries. In eight weeks with South Australia, he has made three already, including a double. His latest, against Queensland at the Gabba on Monday, he cherished doubly, because it was not made at the Adelaide Oval and so could not be written off as cheap, and because it guided his new state to its first win for more than a year.

The worst effort I thought was in the points system this year. I hope next season will see a revision to what is now in place. I hope that as a body the BCA can move away from the present system of electing board members, to one where the best people can be selected.

Ring back in an hour, he says - he's in the middle of cooking lunch (lamb chops and all the trimmings) for himself and his beloved Greta, wife of 60 years. English cricket's one-time doughtiest dead-bat seems in fine nick, except they've refused to renew his driving licence - "far too old," they said. So, car-less, he was unable to attend this summer the 90th birthday party of his long-time new-ball partner and England's most venerable surviving Test alumnus, Sir Alec Bedser.

Whichever slots they occupy, both players act as important buffers between the batting cream and the tail of the order. The South African tail is the fluffier one, for all the wrong reasons, which only adds to the pressure on Boucher to come to the run-scoring and maybe sometimes strike-farming party in Australia.