The Surfer

Rudi, who has hearing problems, is not a bad man but he has a large ego and simply cannot accept his time has come. His decision to give out Kumar Sangakkara caught off the shoulder yesterday was the howler of the summer.

Amid suggestions of a hardening of attitudes since Gordon Brown took over, the government are looking again at legal options.

The most happy are the sponsors, advertisers and marketing personnel who are always busy devising ways and means to sell the 'package'. This time it has arrived on their doorstep without them having to do the hard sell. Having an India-Pakistan series during the peak season for advertisers - from Diwali to Christmas and New Year - was definitely a boom time.

I ask Ravi whether anyone has nicknamed Cook FEC yet, as they once did Mike Atherton. Before he can answer, Cook turns to him and says: "I bet you don't know what that means." Bopara laughs and admits he doesn't, but after a quick explanation (the initials stand for Future England Captain, or at least that was the polite version) he reveals that yes, he often gets asked that question. "I've heard rumours at dos and things. People often ask 'who do you think will be the next England captain, Alastair Cook?' and I'm like yeahhhh, maybe. He's a good candidate." Cook leans over and deadpans "I wouldn't pick you if I was".

That is the charm of his story: that the subtext is more significant than the actual result. And the subtext reads: for a person who has the temerity to fail as much as he has the audacity to seek greatness, the illusion of performance is never incongruous to the pattern of his development.

... it is his daring strokeplay and strong finishing which marks Yuvraj out as exceptional.

"What you get in a gym are social muscles, the kind that looks good on a beach, or in a T-shirt, but are valueless on the sports field. What you really need are functional muscles, the sort that builds you up for what you do on the cricket field, and this circuit is one of the steps to getting there."

I guess the pecking order at the moment is Zaheer Khan, RP Singh and Sreesanth. But it is a pretty tiny list. Who is India's no. 4 seamer? And, since we must ask embarrassing questions, who is no. 5? Irfan Pathan might give the impression of a renaissance and more than anyone else I wish that were true. He is bowling well in one-day cricket but you can be a good one-day bowler without really threatening to take wickets all the time. The in-swing surfaces occasionally but his best ball is the slow cutter and that is not the best weapon in a test match.

Only a couple of months ago, the ground on which Sri Lanka entertain England in the third Test next month reminded me of the horse-drawn section of the National Ploughing Championships after two Suffolk Punches had done their work.