Fixing hits cricket journalism

The ICC's Media Investigation Authority (MIA) chief executive called the meeting to order.

"There is increasing concern that top-level cricket journalism may be vulnerable to fixing and corruption," he said. "I have in my hands the most staggering report since the Quayyum Enquiry concluded that there might have been one or two slightly iffy characters involved in illegal bookmaking.

"Its contents may shock you," he warned.

"It seems that journalists, some of them household names - at least in their own households - are reportedly taking money to write lengthy, melodramatic articles about 'The Death of Cricket'.

"The MIA has received reports about suspicious patterns of articles, with many respected columnists now apparently writing dozens of pieces a month about match-fixing.

"Although there is, as yet, no official verdict on match-fixing or much new information to report, greedy journalists are reportedly piling up hundreds, or even thousands, of words rehashing stuff they read in the News Of The World."

There were gasps of horror from the room. The media supremo continued.

"One source, who claims to have connections to a national newspaper, has said: 'These guys are absolutely ruthless. They don't care about anything other than filling up their pages as quickly as possible.'

"According to the source, a journalist will be contacted, via mobile phone, by a shadowy 'editor' who will suggest that he come up with 1000 words by lunchtime.

"'It's pretty sickening,' said the source. 'The paying public trusts these guys to be going out there, reporting, finding the truth to the best of their ability. In fact, they're just sitting in the pub trying to work the phrase "this cancer must be cut out of cricket immediately" into an article as many times as possible.'

"There is also mounting despair at so called spot-fixing during articles, when journalists could be bribed to use the expression 'the scandal that shames the sport' in opening paragraphs, write deliberately bad prose about Mohammad Amir's humble background, or manufacture spread bets on the number of 'allegedlys' in an article about Pakistan players.

"Worrying times, I am sure you will agree," said the chief executive. "But rest assured: we have already caught three journalists in our net, after a bundle of five pound notes (nine in total) and a six-pack of miniature pork pies were found next to a notebook in a hotel room in Rhyl.

"The journalists concerned have been sent home, although that was admittedly for drunkenness, not corruption.

"We must all work hard to rid our beloved newspapers of these incredibly boring articles and get back to the real business of cricket reporting: explanations of what's wrong with county cricket, an amusing anecdote involving Goochie and a lamb bhuna, and what female body part the England chairman of selectors has been most recently been likened to on Twitter."