Glorious tradition v grubby money

Several well-upholstered armchairs were occupied by well-upholstered gentlemen of late-middle to late-old age. Digby Ringbinder-Smythe, one of the longest-serving county chairmen, lovingly polished the county committee room heraldic shield, motto: Quiesce perferque et facias nihil (Keep calm, carry on and do nothing).

The oldest member, Bunty Ffrobisher - who had once kept wicket for Gentlemen v Ladies at Hove in 1919 - stoked up the fire with ECB consultation documents and proposals for modernising the domestic game. Still cold, he scanned the shelves for flammable publications, settling on Gibbon's The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. The members gathered round the blaze and rubbed their hands contentedly, while veteran Northern chairman Cyril Babcott entertained with a series of jaunty airs on his fiddle.

There was a perfunctory knock at the door and a vigorous Indian gentleman entered.

"Did somebody ring for this ghastly little man?" asked Ffrobisher.

"I don't even like curry," said Babcott. "Somebody give him a pound and make him go away."

"I'm going to turn this place into an internet café," said the vigorous Indian gentleman. "Get a jukebox in here, liven you stiffs up a bit."

"You most certainly will not," said Ringbinder-Smythe. "We have been the custodians of this noble room for generations. Why, my great-grandfather invented the jockstrap after rather a good lunch, just by that window. Bunty's older brother Biffy codified the correct way to drink a sherry while fielding at third man from that very armchair. Our traditions are handed down from generation to generation, as noble and strong as an English oak."

"Okay, fair enough," said the vigorous Indian gentleman. "Let me put it this way: either you can do exactly what I say, and have quite a lot of money. Or you can do it your way, and you won't have any money at all."

"Well, when you put it like that," said Babcott. "One can only say, 'Do sit down old boy, and won't you have a cup of tea?'"