Introducing the Mooresbot 1992

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the future of English cricket: the Mooresbot 1992."

There was a modest ripple of applause around the auditorium. A small robot trundled on to centre stage from the wings. It bumped into the podium. It reversed. It bumped into the podium again. It reversed. It was about to bump into the podium again when the ECB man intervened and righted it.

It began speaking in a metallic drone.

"Hello, humans. I am the Mooresbot. I have data."

The robot began making whirring noises. Eventually a ticker tape of numbers and figures emerged from the top of its head. The ECB man walked over to the Mooresbot and tore off the information.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the ECB man. "The Mooresbot has produced some data proving that our exit from the World Cup was a statistical anomaly."

"Hello humans. I am the Mooresbot. I have data," said the Mooresbot.

The Mooresbot began gurgling happily. Steam began rising from it. Eventually a timer pinged and the Mooresbot's head swivelled to reveal a cup of tea.

"That is right, ladies and gentlemen," said the ECB man proudly. "Not only is the Mooresbot the future of English ODI cricket statistical analysis, it makes a lovely cup of tea."

The Mooresbot beeped excitedly. It spewed out several metres of ticker tape, about volumes of tea and ratios of milk.

"And that is because it is powered not just by a top-of-the-line Casio calculator, but with the hard drive from a Goblin Teasmade. Working in harness with these powerful computational tools, a team of top analysts, and the sheer raw intellect of Belly, Morgs, Andersony, Finny and the rest of the lads, the Mooresbot will produce world-class data by the time the next World Cup rolls around."

"I have data," said the Mooresbot.

"That's right, Mooresbot, you do," said the ECB man.

"And tea."

"That's right. Now, can you give any insights as to whether 275 was a good score in the match against Bangladesh?"

The Mooresbot whirred, gurgled and ground its gears. It spilled tea on itself.

"I have data," it concluded. "I have data! Data!"

Smoke came out of the top of the Mooresbot.

"Good tea! No such thing as bad areas. Good score on this pitch! Good tea on this pitch! Working hard! Put this tea behind us! Tea areas! Don't become bad tea overnight!"

The Mooresbot exploded, covering everyone in statistics, and tea.

"Oh well," said the ECB man. "Back to the drawing board. Is it time to get the Flowertron 3000 back out of storage?"