MS Dhoni and England's angry men

MS Dhoni knocked on the door of the England dressing room.

"Good evening, Alastair. Good evening, everybody," he said. "Perhaps you would care to join us for a light supper?"

Steven Finn leapt to his feet and began shouting and swearing angrily. "I hate supper. You can shove your supper where the sun don't shine," he yelled at Dhoni.

"I don't have a problem with that," said Cook to nobody in particular. "It shows how passionate he is about mealtimes."

"Oh, well, I just thought it might be a nice offer," said Dhoni. "Not to worry."

"Hey," said Graeme Swann. "Hey, MS. Maybe we could get together for a bite to eat and a chat about life for us superstar cricketers, you know? The pressures, the incredible highs and lows, the movie premieres, the nominations for East Midlands Sports Personality of the Year."

"Erm, I guess," said Dhoni. "Why don't you have your people get in touch with my people?"

"I'll get Jimmy right on the case," said Swann. "Fame, she is a fickle mistress, is she not, MS? Take KP here, look how his career's gone right down the tubes since he had his moment in the spotlight and blew it like a rank amateur - no offence, Kevin."

"The dressing-room spirit is as good as ever," interjected Andy Flower, discreetly gesturing to Tim Bresnan that he should stop flushing Craig Kieswetter's head down the toilet.

"Well, I must be getting going," said Dhoni, edging towards the door. "It seems you fellows have a great deal to talk about. Have a most pleasant evening."

"Go on, get out of here," shouted Finn. "Sling your hook."

"I don't have a problem with that," said Cook, staring blankly into space and twitching slightly. "It shows how passionate he is about shouting at opponents."

"Yeah, I sure showed him," said Finn. "We can certainly take a lot of positives from our swearing in this match."

"Come on lads," said Flower. "Only 100 more overs of this ODI series."

"Unless we bat first, obviously," said Cook. "And then a chance to defend our World No. 1 Twenty20 ranking."

"I can hear those Indian players trembling from here," said Finn. "They don't like it up 'em."