Duminy's endless quest to belong

Imagine being JP Duminy. Not watching JP Duminy, being JP Duminy. For the last few years, it must be a very lonely existence.

Duminy knows as much as anyone with so much as a casual interest in South African cricket that he is under pressure. He knows public opinion has turned against him, he knows his is a story of underwhelm and unfulfilled potential, he understands it is probably too late to become a legend of the game.

Imagine the weight of those downers when you announced yourself on the international scene with a match-winning 50 in a record-chase in Perth and a series-winning hundred at the MCG in your country's first-ever series victory in Australia. Imagine the expectation that came with that and the disappointment that has come since.

In the nine years since Duminy's debut, he has played 46 Tests and has only just crossed the 2,000-run mark. Dean Elgar has done the same in 11 fewer matches and almost half the time. All that does is confirm what we already know: that inconsistency lies at the heart of the Duminy dilemma and there's no bypassing it.

To recap: after his maiden hundred in Melbourne, Duminy went 17 innings without a century before he was dropped for the first time. On his return in Wellington two years later, he scored a century, batting at No.4.

It was another 13 innings before he scored his third hundred, followed closely by the fourth and then a severe drought struck. Between July 2014 and January 2016, when Duminy was dropped for the second time, he played in nine Tests, had nine scores under 20 and a top-score of 55.

Imagine, as he did then, suspecting your career might be over. Whatever it is you do, imagine so seriously considering yourself not good enough that you were ready to admit defeat; to discard a lifelong dream.

In early 2016, Duminy told then-selector Ashwell Prince he had had enough but Prince talked him into reconsidering. Instead of taking the New Year's week off - he had been dropped for the Test and was planning on putting his feet up - Duminy played in a first-class game where he racked up a career-best score of 260. Imagine the reassurance that would have given him.

In the months that followed Duminy wrote down some new career goals. He worked hard at his game - and don't think that he has not worked at it in the past because Duminy is as diligent as they come - but he worked harder. He decided he would give it his all and then some, one more time.

By August, his team-mates were talking of a third coming. Faf du Plessis, who was then captain albeit a stand-in, spoke about Duminy looking "better than he ever has" in the nets. Imagine how Duminy must have felt knowing the senior-most member of the side was endorsing him. Would it have been relief? Or would it had been anxiety to live up to those claims or else…?

At first, it was neither. It was renewal. Duminy was given the opportunity he craved when he was given the No.4 spot in AB de Villiers' absence and impressed with 88 against New Zealand at Centurion and rolled back the years with a century in Perth. It was only seven innings until his next big knock, 155 against Sri Lanka in Johannesburg and it has only been six innings since then but the same pattern has recurred. Duminy has only gone past 20 once in those six innings. Although his numbers have improved marginally, and he has scored two of his six hundreds since moving up the order, his overall averages don't make for masterpieces.

Imagine that sinking feeling of going down the same path again. Imagine spending months battling to cobble together a decent score. Imagine having to read and hear about all your old problems - the short ball, offspin - and all the reasons people have come up with for why you have them. Imagine the insecurity you would feel when people think you are holding onto your spot because you've bought goodwill and the hurt that others cite transformation targets as the only reason you are in the XI. Imagine how much you will question yourself, how much you will wonder whether this is all worth it and how desperate you must be to prove your point.

Imagine walking out to bat at 82 for 2, having dropped a catch that went some way to allowing the opposition to get to 458. Imagine the responsibility you feel about having to make up for that. Imagine having to face an offspinner first-up. Imagine sweeping and missing and ball hitting pad and an appeal. Imagine surviving.

Imagine the feeling of making that first bit of contact and scoring your first boundary. Imagine the next battle, against bouncers from Mark Wood. Imagine going to tea having not even reached double figures and coming back to face Stuart Broad. Imagine watching your captain dismissed soon after.

Imagine the helplessness when the ball jagged back in off the seam and smash into your back pad. Imagine watching the umpire's finger being raised. Imagine pondering whether to review even as you knew it was pointless.

Imagine walking back to the dressing room dreading the consolatory pats on the back from caring team-mates. Imagine the moment when you turn your phone on and see the stories and the tweets dissecting your performance. Imagine that no matter how hard you try, things don't change. Now, imagine being JP Duminy.