Letter to Mr. Hilditch

From Nick Wennerbom, Australia
Dear Mr. Hilditch, I wish to apply for the vacant position of Australian Test spinner following the announcement of Jason Krezja's injury and the pencilling in of Nathan Hauritz, while I assume you are perusing other resumes.

I have been involved with cricket for most of my life and believe I have the necessary attributes to contribute to the success of the team. With your recent change in selection policy to 'horses for courses', it ought be noted that I lived in Adelaide for 6 months and have visited the ground twice to watch games which makes me somewhat of a specialist for this venue.

Recently I have been sending down some useful deliveries on the industrial carpet at our office and was far too good for one of our employees, a Spanish lass named Lorena. Furthermore, I have also been bowling at Anderson Park after work on Friday afternoon where I managed to land nearly every ball on the pitch, which I understand is a pre-requisite for selection.

While I have never actually managed to ever turn a delivery, either to off or leg, I don't think this should hinder my chances as neither Cam or Nath have ever turned one either and which affords me to believe that this is no longer a requirement of an Australian Test Spinner. Another skill that I can bring to the team is my ability to get through the overs rather quickly. After bowling two overs the other day, I reverted to the short run up of one pace, where I was still able to land the ball on the cut portion of the synthetic wicket fairly consistently. This I believe will enable us to get through our 90 overs in day and as such reduce our fines.

When I was younger, my brother and I would often get through 152 overs in the backyard after school until Mum had dinner ready. I also have a Certificate IV in workplace training and assessing, and as a qualified trainer I am willing to put in some overtime to provide some assistance to Mr. Ponting in this regard. My movements in the field have been referred to as gazelle-like by myself and I am confident that I would stop most balls hit directly at me and a reasonable portion of those a metre or so either side of me as well.

As a part time umpire, I am well versed in the tactics of intimidation and this coupled with my recent foray into acting as an extra in a TV ad, leaves me with no doubt that I would be convincing and melodramatic on camera whenever things don't go my way. During my umpiring career I once received some invaluable advice from Stuey Macgill who told me all I had to do was "f***ing well watch and listen" advise that I am more that willing to pass onto Rudi or Billy Bowden during my first spell. As an added bonus I have a short temper and swear profusely - an attribute my work colleagues and manager could attest to and one which surely will enable me to fit in with your organisation's culture with a minimum of fuss.

There are some areas of my game that I need to work on such as my batting and although I was unlucky, I managed to get dismissed via every method possible last Friday in the dozen or so balls I faced. However, with the strength of our 1-10 in the batting order, I don't see this as a major issue. Besides, like for like, Chris Martin is only marginally more adept than me and I can't see this as being a major obstacle to my pending selection. As for my personable attributes, I believe that I have always been a pretty good bloke and have always made myself available for drinks on a Friday afternoon with my teammates from work - although it is to be noted, I have never gotten into a fight at the pub, and I wouldn't drink on match days if that was a requirement.

Would you be kind enough to advise me ASAP of your decision, as I need 24 hours notice to tell my boss Sue-Anne that I would be unavailable till Wednesday, However I do have 30 days annual leave up my sleeve and as such I can avail myself for Perth Melbourne and Sydney Tests as well. I look forward to discussing this further at an interview; if you wish and I can get referees from some of the guys at work upon request. Yours Sincerely