MCC members raise a glass, and two fingers

There are few acronyms more likely to cure insomnia than MCC and AGM. Yet, when the two appear in the same sentence, you know the results will make for compelling reading. MCC, often regarded as cricket's crusty one-eyed uncle, have rolled up their tweed jackets, puffed out their wheezing chests and refused to pay the extortionate prices of beer on sale at Lord's. The members were outraged at the spiralling cost of beer and cake, their staple diet in the pavilion. After much stamping of feet and slamming of tumblers, they managed to reduce the price of a pint from £3.10/pint to a much more sober £2.70. Cake had 50p sliced off the original £2.50, too. And if that wasn't enough, members also refused to drink Marston's - the ECB's official beer - preferring their ale of choice, London Pride. There was one rather mousey appeal, though, from David Batts, the deputy chief executive: "I do understand though, that Pedigree is an excellent pint, so I hope you will give it a try, especially at the new price". A magnificent achievement by the gin-soakers, and further proof (if needed) that MCC and Lord's are not the static, backward institutions they once were. A victory for the people, by the fans, in an era dominated by commercialism.

Kahuna matata
As if we didn't have sufficient reason to despise Australia's all-conquering dominance, the country has given us another (bless them) by creating a super-powered monstrosity of a bat. Great. Just what the game needs: batsmen pummelling bowlers into and over the stands, cackling like evil dictators as the poor belittled seamer registers himself into the nearest institute. The new weapon of mass destruction, from Kookaburra, claims to reduce vibration by up to 42% in its handle, the insides of which have been transformed into a technological tardis. "Electronic shunt circuits," "wiring harnesses" and other such gimmickery will, according to its maker, "make [the players] feel slightly better when the ball hits the bat away from the sweet spot". It sounds like a wizard's staff, not a bat. This isn't the first time Kookaburra has tried reinventing the wheel, or indeed the willow, when MCC - the guardian of the game's laws - banned Ricky Ponting (and Owais Shah's) 'Kahuna' graphite reinforced bat. Nick Squires, who revealed the new bat in The Daily Telegraph labelled cricket's laws as "archaic" for insisting bats be made of wood, and wood only. The tradition of cricket still infuriates people.

And continuing with Australia, news comes from The Age that cricket has usurped swimming as the country's most popular sport. According to a report, cricket has "engaged the hearts" (and minds, no doubt) of 59% of the population, surpassing swimming at a measly 56% since Ian 'Thorpedo' Thorpe's retirement. Fickle bunch, those Aussies.

Lara stirs the pot
Brian Lara has always been tremendous value on the pitch, but an underrated stirrer off it. No sooner had he donned his moccasins and smoking jacket than the WICB received another (deserved) mouthful of mockery from him. Opening a cancer centre in Trinidad, named after himself, Lara praised the staff's "teamwork, ingenuity and use of technology", while mentioning such traits had "missed the [West Indies] Cricket Board". Miaow. Now the gloves are off - in every sense - listening to Lara attack his former employers should be unmissable entertainment, for us at least.

Naked Essex ladies
'Essex cricketers are always willing volunteers for all worthy causes...especially when there is gratuitous female nudity involved.' Not the words of Ronnie Irani, but from Essex's communication manager, Greg Lansdowne, who explained that it wasn't hard to persuade Alastair Cook to take part in a photoshoot featuring bodypainting in aid of the CHASE Ben Hollioake Fund and Babes in Arms Charity. It's the type of story and occasion Ian Botham would thrive on regaling to his Sky viewership, guffawing about his revellous time at Somerset; nudging "Mikey" Holding and pretending he's still 17. Sadly, Beefy - known as The Cake to his colleagues - wasn't there, but our own top investigative journalist, Jenny Thompson, was. Remarkably, Cook appeared to enjoy the day rather a lot.

Footballers playing cricket. It's just not cricket
Even the most gifted batsmen wilt at the prospect of facing Sri Lanka's ever-smiling Muttiah Muralitharan. How do you cope with the spitting spin, let alone his unerring accuracy, ball after ball? Well, you survive as best you can, that's how. Pity, then, the three footballers - yes, those bladder-chasers - who will face Murali at Old Trafford on June 13. The three victims - for that is what they will be - are Peter Reid, Sam Allardyce and Phil Neville who will be turning out for the All Star Football XI against a Cricket Legends XI. Don't be fooled by their footballing pedigree: Neville was once highly thought of as a cricketer, captaining England Under-15s. Still...he hasn't got a hope, and neither have the other two, have they?

Quotehanger
"Brad Hodge came off and said '****, he was quick!' That's a good sign coming from someone like him." Stuart Law sets West Indian fans' hearts racing with the revelation that Steve Harmison might just have woken up from his Ashes nightmare. A delicious prospect for all England supporters, though no less nerve-wracking for them either.