What India said
Our ace correspondent reveals the talk on the field during India's last match of the World Twenty20

The only time Virat Kohli is not hot and bothered about the match is when he is made to sit on the ice box • ICC/Getty
Balaji: MS! If you want, I can open the innings with a burst of explosive bowling…
Dhoni and Raina and Yuvraj and Rohit and Gambhir: Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Sehwag: Good idea, Balaji.
Harsha: Rift in the team?
Virat: *Expletive*
Virat: Come on, boys! Come on, boys! We can do this! We can qualify for the semis *expletive*!…
Dhoni: Yes boys! Come on! Even if it looks highly unlikely that we will qualify, what with that rain during the Australia game that basically stole our chances away from us, we must still strive...
Sehwag: I think I have hurt my ankle and should leave the pitch now. I am going to go and take some physiotherapy in Chris Gayle's room.
Ashwin: This is why I am always saying that it is best to not run unless absolutely necessary.
Rohit to Dhoni: MS, this might be the right time to let one of our young, talented part-time bowlers rattle the Saffers with a quick wicket through some talented bowling with high potential…
Dhoni: Yuvraj?
Rohit: No.
Dhoni: Virat?
Rohit: No. Someone with talent and potential.
Dhoni: You want to bowl?
Rohit: If you insist…
Virat: *Expletive* Rohit *expletive* *expletive* *Quite possibly an expletive but does not seem physically possible*
Triumphant Yuvraj running towards square leg: *Animal roar*
Raina: *Animal roar*
Yuvraj running away from square leg: *Expletive*
Dhoni: Everyone stay back to prevent the boundaries.
Ashwin: But we should be bringing in the field to prevent singles and keep the pressure on…
Dhoni: Sorry, Ashwin, I didn't hear that clearly. You were saying that I should bring King in the field to cement singles and…
Ashwin: Ha ha ha ha. Ayyo MS! Ha ha ha. I was saying that this field setting is perfect…
Raina: Come on, Zaheer, run Zaheer, come on, come on, restrict them to one, come on, restrict them to… come on, yaar, come on, come on, come on…
Zaheer: One second.
Rohit: MS, if you ask me how I would use my talent and potential in this particular cricketing scenario…
Dhoni: Virat!
Virat: *Expletive* Rohit *expletive*
Dhoni: Thanks, Virat.
Tendulkar: This is very disappointing…
Pathan: Who said that?
Ashwin: But he is not here, then how is this possible??
Balaji: He is everywhere…
Virat: *Expletive*
Balaji: This is Spartaaaaaaaa…
Ashwin: *Expletive*
Pathan: *Expletive*
Gambhir: *Expletive*
Rohit: *Expletive*
Yuvraj: *Expletive*
Raina: *Expletive*
Virat: What a terribly disconsolate state of affairs this is...
Sidin Vadukut is a columnist and editor with Mint, and the author of the Dork trilogy. Who Let the Dork Out? releases in October