We unveil our Secret Santa awards
It's been a long year for English cricket. As a reward, ESPNcricinfo has decided to dish out some (not so) Secret Santa gifts to some of those involved. We are even letting you into the secret a few hours before Christmas Day
ESPNcricinfo staff
23-Dec-2014
All I need now is for somebody to buy me a puppy • PA Photos
Alastair Cook
A good man, from a good family, with good values who isn't very good at ODI cricket anymore. "He'll be fine," they say. "He'll be able to take stock on the farm," they continue. Sure, because nothing is more cathartic than spending time around animal stool and threshing equipment in the English winter. Don't worry Cookie, here's a puppy. Keep it out of the combine harvester.
A good man, from a good family, with good values who isn't very good at ODI cricket anymore. "He'll be fine," they say. "He'll be able to take stock on the farm," they continue. Sure, because nothing is more cathartic than spending time around animal stool and threshing equipment in the English winter. Don't worry Cookie, here's a puppy. Keep it out of the combine harvester.
Paul Downton
Sitter-in on selection meetings, but the MD of England Cricket assures us that the decisions are left to others. That's a lot of twiddling your thumbs for what can be as long as five hours. Given that he used to work in the City, he must love his numbers, so he'll enjoy a Big Bumper Book of Sudoku. Don't worry, those are grids not windows, Paul.
Sitter-in on selection meetings, but the MD of England Cricket assures us that the decisions are left to others. That's a lot of twiddling your thumbs for what can be as long as five hours. Given that he used to work in the City, he must love his numbers, so he'll enjoy a Big Bumper Book of Sudoku. Don't worry, those are grids not windows, Paul.
Kevin Pietersen
England's leading run-scorer (retd) has spent the year fighting his corner, releasing a book (perhaps even reading it), hobbling about The Oval, opening a bar, opening a hair salon, promoting an Academy, opening another bar, playing golf and, now, being a Melbourne Star. Have a little gift on us Kevin: your brand new Filofax will help you keep tabs on which finger is in which pie.
England's leading run-scorer (retd) has spent the year fighting his corner, releasing a book (perhaps even reading it), hobbling about The Oval, opening a bar, opening a hair salon, promoting an Academy, opening another bar, playing golf and, now, being a Melbourne Star. Have a little gift on us Kevin: your brand new Filofax will help you keep tabs on which finger is in which pie.
England's Women
Eighteen full-time contracts in May were a huge step for women's cricket, at all levels. Television coverage is on the way, with the 2015 Ashes series being shown live on Sky Sports. As such, they will be open to more scrutiny - which is what they want - but with that will come some unwelcome and unkind barbs from the occasional fool. A tub of brine to help develop a thicker skin should do the job.
Eighteen full-time contracts in May were a huge step for women's cricket, at all levels. Television coverage is on the way, with the 2015 Ashes series being shown live on Sky Sports. As such, they will be open to more scrutiny - which is what they want - but with that will come some unwelcome and unkind barbs from the occasional fool. A tub of brine to help develop a thicker skin should do the job.
Steve Birks
It will be a bit difficult to wrap up the 10-ton lorries but after watching the Trent Bridge Test bore the pants off everybody last year, Nottinghamshire's head groundsman must be dreaming of 30 tons of Ongar loam. Here's to a successful relaying operation. Trent Bridge is a wonderful ground. Feel the love.
It will be a bit difficult to wrap up the 10-ton lorries but after watching the Trent Bridge Test bore the pants off everybody last year, Nottinghamshire's head groundsman must be dreaming of 30 tons of Ongar loam. Here's to a successful relaying operation. Trent Bridge is a wonderful ground. Feel the love.
Matt Prior
The Big Cheese, for so long England's Test firefighter, was dousing some flames at his own door after a vitriolic send-up in Kevin Pietersen's autobiography. Accordingly, a new Raclette pan so the Big Cheese can face the heat.
The Big Cheese, for so long England's Test firefighter, was dousing some flames at his own door after a vitriolic send-up in Kevin Pietersen's autobiography. Accordingly, a new Raclette pan so the Big Cheese can face the heat.
Alex Hales
Now that he is a fully-fledged England cricketer, Hales will only come under more scrutiny than ever. With the ECB now putting the onus on family men, it's time for Alex Hales to settle down. He won't be doing that by perusing Tinder. To him, a year's membership to Match.com seems more appropriate. Go get her, Alex.
Now that he is a fully-fledged England cricketer, Hales will only come under more scrutiny than ever. With the ECB now putting the onus on family men, it's time for Alex Hales to settle down. He won't be doing that by perusing Tinder. To him, a year's membership to Match.com seems more appropriate. Go get her, Alex.
Surrey's Twenty20 Security
Bumper crowds at The Oval was a great sight for the newly rebranded Twenty20 competition. Not every county could claim that. But for every new child brought into cricket through the medium of Jason Roy's cut over point, there was a suited lout, fresh from a week of estate agenting, with a disregard for those around them. The stewards bore the brunt of it. They could do with a nightclub bouncer for next year: "No, you're not coming in with fancy dress. You're an adult."
Bumper crowds at The Oval was a great sight for the newly rebranded Twenty20 competition. Not every county could claim that. But for every new child brought into cricket through the medium of Jason Roy's cut over point, there was a suited lout, fresh from a week of estate agenting, with a disregard for those around them. The stewards bore the brunt of it. They could do with a nightclub bouncer for next year: "No, you're not coming in with fancy dress. You're an adult."
Mark Stoneman
A second season of scoring more than a thousand runs in first-class cricket and 435 runs in Durham's successful Royal London Cup run. And yet, no place for Mark Stoneman on the winter Lions tour. But fear not Mark, if you're wondering about how to get the selectors attention, we've gifted you your very own hype-man, complete with newspaper column and multi-media airtime. Yes, of course he has a stake in a player management company. Why do you ask?
A second season of scoring more than a thousand runs in first-class cricket and 435 runs in Durham's successful Royal London Cup run. And yet, no place for Mark Stoneman on the winter Lions tour. But fear not Mark, if you're wondering about how to get the selectors attention, we've gifted you your very own hype-man, complete with newspaper column and multi-media airtime. Yes, of course he has a stake in a player management company. Why do you ask?
Leicestershire
Players. Seriously, they need more players.
Players. Seriously, they need more players.